GROWIN' UP GHANDI

like sunshine on a cloudy day

2012-02-06T16:55:00.002-05:00

Is it wrong that im thinking of marriage?
that im ready to spend forever with someone. but there are just way too many things that would render this decision unwise at the moment.
For one, school~ i think if i could keep this relationship together for my law school years, on my day of graduation, i would propose.
3 years is an awfully long time isnt it!? haha. but if forever it is, then 3 years is nothing right.
Valentine's Day is coming. and i have never spend so much time on a gift no have i been anywhere near as excited spending valentines day with the same person in two years.
It would also be our 1 year anniversary.

Im so in love.~~~ been in love since the day we started dating. and if anything my feelings have only deepened and matured.

Heading to Mexico this weekend! :)
cant wait to be with you again!

Travel tips! #1

2012-01-29T00:37:00.002-05:00

I've subscribed to a few different travel apps that give me all these useful travel tips and deals. Of course, i love sharing :)

Tip numero uno: for best airfare deals, shop six weeks before your trip!

I Feel Funny. a perspective on my life and law school.

2012-01-25T15:13:00.003-05:00

Dear readers,
today i feel funny.
not because im sad, not because im happy. not even because of an upset stomach. i just feel funny. like my feelings are a lil confused over which one presides over the other.
I feel a quarterly happy, a quarterly stressed maybe one third sad, an inch of impatience, two cups of empowerment and a teaspoon of confidence.
Law school is making me feel all these things. and i often forget my life out of school.. yes even though its only my first week. Im buried in a ton of readings, which even though im routinely doing them, i feel like im barely there. just getting through. i am however giving myself room to make mistakes and learn better strategies to tackle the art of being a law student.
I have been noting the lessons i've learned in law school, besides subject matter of course. for example. i used to think that i had a pretty darn good resume, highly motivated, extremely diverse and that i stand out among my peers. to some extent..., (even though i still in my hearts of hearts think that i am still special), so is everyone else. and because law school is so competitive- you literally are competing with your peers for a place in the top percentile of your class due to the damn grading curves, everyone else is also working just as hard.
my second observation kinda relates to the earlier fact- my friends and companion are the walls of my library and my dear law books!

Maybe its the first week, where everyone is just so motivated to do well, or maybe thats just the way law school is- either way, i know what will keep me going and i plan to keep at it.

I also feel a lil bit funny about my other relations, i feel like because im deprived of so much entertainment and relaxing activites, i may just be putting on a bit much pressure on my partner to compensate for that absence forgetting their own commitments and stress. and the damn distance is driving me crazy.... but i think i'm more crazily in love that the distance is just another circumstance that can be overcome. Life is definitely changing though... and i just have to strengthen what i have and remember to be content. We're all still building our future arent we? :)

Friends- oh friends, i've alienated you. I dont know.. the hours of my days just seem to go by soooo quickly. its 12.30 in the afternoon now. before i know it , it would be 10. i'd have to head back home and by the time i fall asleep its 1.. and then my day starts back again at 6 the next morning!

Health- I am hitting the gym every single day for some sort of exercise. its been keeping my stress levels down and perhaps where most of my worries just disappear.

Future plans- speaking of future plans, i've consulted a possible partner in business, and am currently drafting up my very own business proposal. no details yet, just loads of excited anticipation. Hopefully by summer, a more concrete plan could be formulated.

Family- the esssence of my soul and the origination of my being- god. i love my family. I had a very eventful time back home. strengthened some of my bonds, loosened other unwanted strands. Family fueds, family laughter. I must say the one thing that i think distinguishes my family from others, is that EVERYONE in my household has such strong personalities: everywhere we go, we kind of gravitate towards a leadership role, be it in a social circle or a position of authority in a formal setting, that:
a) i find myself taking a back seat just watching everything before me; and
b) there are just too much clashing of the minds/personalities.
c) our dynamics are so that we may be better off and more successful working on our own, but i am confident that if we can get in the right mindset/understanding, there'd be nothing we cant handle as a family.

So i dont know, it was very interesting how i used to think i was shy and reserved but when i came abroad, i embodied everything i didnt think i was.
and this dual personality extends not just with me.
my mom- at home she is perhaps the most loving, caring, patient woman ( sort of whats expected of an indian wife( which i despise-the sexism in the indian culture, but lets save that for another time)), but at work she is a woman of steel- feared and respected.
my dad- perhaps the terror at home( and i say that with some form of adoration and a lil disapproval), and just plain lovable outside.
and my brothers all unique and different in their own ways.
Maybe we need group therapy, maybe its just human nature. in the end, we're all just trying to live a life well fulfilled. and i think as far as my obligation as a son, i am fulfilling that in every right way.

I see my role turning- this added responsibilities, this added drama, my school, my relationship, my health, my friends. i want to find a balance. and i have to find it fast or i will stand to lose some of the people and things that matter most.

ah.... life :) and being an adult.

Hello from San Diego!

2012-01-22T22:45:00.001-05:00

First week of law school

2012-01-20T02:20:00.001-05:00

It's all a new routine ! School seemed so long ago. Yet it's been only a year. Perhaps I've never worked this hard nor had to. But perhaps I've never wanted something more in my life than to realize my dreams and live my passion.
I've spent about 17 hours each day at my law school. I look around and I see the same determination in everyone's eyes. But nothing gets me going than when faced with competition. And even though my grades are directly competing with everyone else's, I am only challenging myself to see how much further I can go! I suppose my social life is out of the question but I have made some friends during lunch break and while in the library.
All in all I am here and I'm ready to give it my all. Self affirmation is a very empowering tool. And I will not break under pressure!
So let this race begin, in the end I want to come out tops! Peace, from San Diego !!

the Start of my year!

2011-12-31T09:19:00.002-05:00

THE 11TH HOUR
The final 60 minutes of 2011. I was going to write about all my highlights of the year. Seems like every year feels a lil better than the year before. To me that's a sign of a year well lived. All these years, I've had resolutions of losing weight; but for the first time, i am content.
Instead this year all i want is simply to have a happy year. i want my family to be happy, i want my relationship to continue being great, and i want to be happy.
It took me way longer to write this post than i thought! its midnight and that means its new year! I shall discontinue this post with the hopes that 2012 keeps shining its good light on me. !
I shall live a little more, laugh a lil more and definitely love a lil more. Is it bad that all i want to do now is just kiss and hug mi amor!
Happy new year everyone.
much love from this kid!

How would you have turned out if you had a different family?

2011-12-06T13:47:00.004-05:00

How would you have turned out if you had a different family?

It seems in this day and age we all have friends who were adopted. I often think about kids that are brought into families, into a completely new culture, and form identities that, were it not for the adoption, would be completely different.
Adoption used to be and is still looked at as such a noble thing to do, and i wish it wasn't so.

Not because it isn't nice for a family to take a child that is given away by another and make them part of the family, but simply because when adoption is given such high adulation, people tend to forget the meaning of family.
They start to think that their noble deed needs to be repaid in kindness and hold their adopted children at a standard different from others. Our parents do not tell us that simply because they brought us into this world, we now owe them. Regardless of the reason for adoption, families need to understand that a child is a child and all children deserve to be loved and cared for equally by parents. Adoption isn't a charity.

Why adopt if you are not going to love the kid like your own? I do not understand the reasons some people choose to adopt. Especially when i read stories about adopted children being abused by their foster parents, made to work like a maid, treated like a nobody. Its even worse when you know people who do so. Neglect is traumatic and perhaps the reason why some kids never recover from it, searching their whole lives for love and acceptance, and unfortunately no education can reverse this emotional need.

And so i wonder how i would have turned out if i was nurtured by a different family. If i had step brothers and always had to answer questions of why my skin was a different shade of color, why i was given up for adoption, what great parents i have, or never really feeling like i belong to my foster family. And the only way i would think it be possible for me to disregard these hurtful or condescending remarks is if i am treated no different at home than my step siblings, loved the same way-scolded the same way.

I have an adopted sister and i wish that one day, she'd be able to go out into the world and not be ashamed to say that she has a brother and a loving family that have always supported her. In my mind and heart she is no different than my blood siblings.

and please adoption is not fashion. dont do it just because Angelina Jolie or Madonna is doing it. I know this post may not apply to most of the readers my age, but its important to remember to be mindful of the things you say even, and then some. Finally, if you're not ready to be a parent... then dont.

a new dawn

2011-11-12T17:03:00.005-05:00

Good day all my readers,
I have really not been able to blog lately what with facebook and all. It seems all my updates have gone on there instead of here so im contemplating using this site as a blog for human rights and my passion in life. I was gonna start another blog but we'll see i guess. i cant seem to handle blogging from a multitude of websites. I have about 4 blogs running and many are now abandoned. oops.

My one year of work experience is coming to an end. I started out the year in San Francisco, California and then moved back to the Midwest to Minneapolis, Minnesota and will be here for the rest of the year. Cant believe its already been a year since i graduated from university.

Come January, I'll be moving to San Diego to start law school and truly embark on my path down the legal field to be a proper advocate for human rights in the future. the longer im here, it seems my political aspirations seems to prosper and drive me back home to my country to see real change happen.
but for now, I'm busy learning the tools that will serve me well a few years down the road.

I'm also now in a relationship that is going on to be about 9 months long. it is not without its downs but it is perhaps the happiest i've ever been. I'm in quite a conundrum given the fact that we'd be both separated by countries in a few months,but honestly, i cant fathom my life without this person. So i wish and hope that our relationship can withstand the passage of time. :)

Well im on a study break now, and i should get back to my readings but i figured a short update is long overdue. lots of love.

The kid who went abroad.

a brother's solitude

2011-11-09T18:16:00.000-05:00

a brother's solitude
.by Daven Raj on Sunday, September 26, 2010 at 12:14pm.

it aint fair

for a kid to experience silence,

robbed of the joys of having a happy family.

it aint right

to grow up with so many faces,

then have everyone move away,

it aint great,

to be coming home to an empty house,

coming home used to be fun,

now there's the video games instead of brothers,

now there's the tv, but who do i share the laughter with?

it is not a blessing,

to have parents that work late everyday,

look, another day of eating dinner alone..

it just aint fair.

where are the squabbles and fights that us brothers used to get into

why are these kids at school mocking me.

how did i get so tall

when did i stop noticing.

who's listening.?

im screaming inside, im crying inside but nobody's here to comfort me.

im trying to hide, lay down and try, to disappear just for a second.

dear brother come back to me,

dear brother protect me.

dear brother, i dont want to be lonely..

if only, if only, if only.....

an angry chocolate.

2011-11-09T18:14:00.004-05:00

an angry chocolate.
.by Daven Raj on Monday, October 10, 2011 at 5:00am.

scribbling this in rage,

screaming violently in silence.

these words they keep travellin

from tongue to tongue,

through different ears

each a potently venemous story.

these trusts, they keep breaking,

dear life i'll keep learning.

i'd lose some "friends",

to find wise gems.

im not needy, not clingy,

my life is not your money.

gossip girls get off your horse.

gossip girls take a damn bow.

.............................................................

I was just having this discussion with a friend about people minding their own business. Maybe it comes down to small town America where word gets around so easily or people just needing constant gossip materials. this poster just sums up what i am feeling.

Memoirs of a Keyboard

2011-11-09T18:11:00.003-05:00

The following posts will be a collection of poems i've written in the past. Words that have just came to me when im feeling the emotions. It has served me better to translate my feelings into words than scream into oblivion or worse at someone.
So.. enjoy :)

A confused chocolate

2011-11-09T18:10:00.001-05:00

there are no clear skies,

no apple pies.

none of that warm fuzzy feeling.

i told a lie.

hoped it would die.

but it came around and bit me

felt a lil bad,

a whole lot of sad

who really did betray me?

but honestly, my curiousity

this hidden guilt.. its not a whole new story.

i guess im half the bad you see

and half the good i try to be.

in the end. nobody's perfect

not you, not me.

not even old dead Gandhi.

so dont tell me you cant forgive me.

http://youtu.be/hV8qXGeryd0

.

perils of facebook.... to a relationship.?

2011-07-05T18:02:00.000-04:00

I've had these thoughts and im sure many others have so here we go:
Now seemingly, in an ideal world, relationships are built off complete trust, love and a lil bit of money. For many people trust is always the most important thing, myself included, and the essence of trust can be so easily lost or hard to attain due to a host of reasons: infidelity in a past relationship, a lack of trust in oneself, or just simply from fear of being vulnerable.
Facebook unfortunately, seems to expose these fears and amplify them in just about every bad way.

Where previously, you'd be able to just get on with what you're told and either chose to ignore it, accept it or deny it, now we're left looking accidentaly or purposefully at facebook notifications that incite much negativity which turns us into our own secret investigators easily ruining a perfect moment.
Take for example the case where your significant other is on their vacation and you are apart. Here's where trust factors in the most i assume. And say you just had the most wonderful conversation with them about their day and yours and how you both miss each other.
and then while you are wasting your time on facebook you see how this person has all these newly added 'friends' and you out of curiosity look at their pictures and find them all to be attractive, and well sleazy( of course since you have an automatic distaste of them). Then you start to wonder if your significant other has been telling you the truth about thinking of you and wishing you were there, etc. and the insecurites start piling.
Is it better to know and just disregard or to not know, and trust what they tell you.

I trust and i like to trust. I've been cheated on before but I still trust, cautiously but completely. but its gotten harder with facebook and sometimes i just wish i didnt speak facebook. Its easier when you know that people are going to flirt with your partner and even though there is harmless flirting back, your partner is true to you.. rather than knowing the exact conversation that transpires between them and then trying to tell yourself that they are being honest with you. Has the issue gone out of scope on to something more than trust, like privacy? or am i onto something with the wall posts and comments by strangers.

I admit i think im naturally flirtatious but i trust myself in loving someone completely and being only theirs in body and mind, but you can only wonder... is everyone the same? thoughts?

days like this.

2011-06-18T04:05:00.003-04:00

I know i havent posted in a while. but i've not been able to sit down and write as much now that i have a full time job and what not. I finished my law school exam, but before i can relax, deciding which law school to attend has filled my days.
California is amazing as always.Tonight i'm a lil upset, but its just one of those days. the feeling will go away.
well off to bed now, hopefully i'll wake up to a better day. actually i know i will!
spent the night working on a jigsaw puzzle! it was supposed to be a fun night in. I wish i can go back 2 hours and start over.

Here's why i respect Obama a lil more and Bush a lil less.Oh wait I've never respected Bush

2011-05-02T19:18:00.000-04:00

Osama's dead. and screams of joy and relief echoes from all over the US. yayyyy!!!......youre supposed to be happy right?
Should he have been tried instead? I definitely think so. But im going to forget about how his right to life, dignity and a fair trial was violated and focus on why i feel Obama needs some recognition- at least in matters of foreign policy, and speak more strongly against Bush. oh what a joke that people are saying his 'battle and fight for justice has been won'.

I remember in 2007, when Obama was revealing his campaign goals. There was only one thing that bothered me above all, the fact that he was insisting on entering Afghanistan, insisting on hunting down Osama bin Laden. and i quote Obama 2007:
"We dropped the ball. We need to focus on Afghanistan and Pakistan to disrupt, dismantle and defeat Al Qaeda. We cannot bring Osama Bin Laden to justice unless we focus on the Af-Pak border region"

And all the time i was thinking wrong, wrong, wrong, he is going down the same disastrous path his predecessors took. What happened to Change? Going after a worthless battle, tunelling much more taxpayers money to fund these 'stupid wars', separating soldiers from their families, taking away resources from the economy. And this is why I admire the man. His tactics were well founded- He had a vision, he improved diplomatic tiies with countries, he went in, and he did what he said he would.
Terrorism is a transnational problem. Its not a war against a counry, its a war against a group of people (the exception of state sponsored terrorism). The only way to properly combat terrorism is to approach it multilaterally, cooperation between nation states to eliminate,extradicate terrorist with as little civilian and territorial damage.
Obama has improved ties with many nations since his appointment to the job, much to the criticism of Americans which in my opinion, is largely influence by the Bush administration.

You see, Bush was so engaged in his hegemonistic,over militarized policies, he went forth with the America listens to no one, America can wage wars with anybody THEY see fit on any GROUNDS they see appropriate method and he didnt matter that there was a growing resentment against the United States. Bush indoctrinated in its citizens the 'Supremacy' of the United States and Obama was the humble pie that America badly needed in their misguided politics and views: A fact rightly proven when Obama bowed as a sign of respect to foreign rulers and the controversy that created.

The battle that Bush raised was a spread of terrorism, and i see it in two different perspectives. Im going to use the analogy of a fat kid as a representation of Bush.
1) Fat kid is looking for his stolen candy, and so beats up every kid accusing them of stealing it.
2)Fat kid says he is looking for his candy, beats up every kid, but really he ate it already and was looking for the ICE CREAM& CAKE.

So did Obama pick up the ball where bush dropped it? I think so. however was Osama really brought to justice ? No.
Is the war on terrorism over? Certainly not, but at least one of the big guys have been taken out. Osama's death is not worthless as some think. Any changes to the chain of command will weaken the entirity of the group for a while. And like the Hitler regime, you take off the leader and the rest crumbles. Funny fact. Hitler was announced dead at 10.30pm May 1st as well!
Most assuredly though is that my admiration for president Obama has only increased. Im glad he proved me wrong.
If at all this does anything, im glad it is a closure for 9/11. for many families who have lost someone. for the troops that have battled in foreign grounds.
But for crying out loud. please do not EVER bring that war criminal Bush into the story and hail him as the ringer of peace. this was not his war, this was not his victory. This is America's victory under a charismatic, more intelligent leader.

phew.. i've said what was on my mind.

Ugly Naked Truth!

2011-04-15T23:47:00.001-04:00

WARNING: NUDITY WITHIN THE POST!!

Here's a random fact about me. I've gone through every shirt size there is. XL,L,M,S, and once even an XS with a waist fluctuation from about 36-29 inches. My teenage years were my obese period where in my first year of college i weighed my heaviest at around 200lbs.
After the ugly years. you learn to embrace yourself for who you are and i decided that being healthy is what matters the most. That was why i was so overwhelmed with emotions when i crossed the finish line in my first ever half marathon. I felt victorious to the pain of ridicule and the years of low self esteem.
Perhaps something i didnt share, or even did not realize was that in my years of growing, i battled an eating disorder.
After my first year in college, i transferred to a different state where my brother and i were given admission at a different university. It was my first time truly away from home, and it started shamefully through my laziness. I was too lazy too cook and do the dishes, and so I would only eat in school. Lunch and Dinner were normally the only meals i had, skipping breakfast.
Here was also where i first learned to involve myself in school- Debate. My grades went up, I constantly spoke on the phone to my then partner and things seem to be going good. Slowly, i would accidentally forget to have dinner at school: going to bed hungry with one meal in me. Then i got used to it. I guess i started seeing the difference and sometimes i'd just forgo my entire day's worth of meals. My confidence was also boosted when i would visit home, and hear my friends be amazed at the weight i was loosing. I clearly only remember my househelp saying how i looked better with some fat on me. I got offered my first (small) modelling gig. In a period of two months i had shed 14kg and went from a 86kg to 72. I tried gagging once, you know when you put your fingers in your mouth and force yourself to puke...but thankfully i grossed myself out of it.

To say that your family will always have your back is an understatement. I was glad that my parents insisted that i return home after 3 months away and losing an additional 4 kg.. because they want to 'fatten' me up. Its crazy thinking back on it. I was spiralling down this unhealthy lifestyle yet i didnt see anything wrong in it. I would stand up and everything around me would spin. Its when you experience something like that , that you really consider the what if's later on.
My family saved my life. Its hard when society reinforces all of the stereotype and ideals from the media unto everyone else. That was my first experience with acceptance. When i realized that people started paying more attention to me once i lost my obesity.
It is unhealthy, it is dangerous. and if i could make you reconsider calling someone else fat, or unworthy, or any other demeaning terms, then i would be satisfied that sharing my story raised some awareness. We are all victims here and i hope that we think before we speak.You know i saw this quote surface on facebook and thought it was so true.

A 15 year old girl holds her 1 year old son, people call her a slut. But no one knew she was raped at 13; make fun of someone for being fat, but you don't know that person has a serious medical condition that causes her to be fat. Call the old guy ugly, but you don't know if he got a serious face injury after serving the country or saving a life. Stop stereotyping and think before you start talking trash of others

SO these were all ages ago! well for the past 4 years i've been pretty darn healthy, you know occassionally putting on weight but always within the healthy BMI range.

I've been considerably fit.

So here's the point of my post. Im physically putting myself out there. I want to challenge myself to try and develop a six pack abs within the next two months. and I shall use this blog to document my progress weekly. I shall post my workout routine and every sunday i shall take a picture to document my progress.
Now i know to many of you, you may think that i'm just being a super poser and want to put half naked pictures of me up. but i honestly dont give a rats ass what you think. this is my motivation to myself. The 60 day challenge starts today!
April 15 2011:

p.s- no there wasnt any full nudity you perv!

2011-04-13T20:08:00.002-04:00

writing a personal statement can be such an emotionally charged task. My heart is pulsating with so much emotions. im determined to complete in a day. and then get feedback.

a day not like yesterday

2011-03-23T13:27:00.002-04:00

i dont come on here much anymore, i started another blog on tunblr, starteed facebook notes. but for some reason everytime i want to write something away from the eyes of the world i come here, my online companion of more than 6 years now.
im in love. i have been for the past month or so. last night i screwed it up. everything. i just snapped and now i think i lost the person i love. i dont get mad. not usually. but talk about screwing up big time. now im stuck on a 10 hour drive with the person who clearly doesnt want anything to do with me anymore.

A passing moment?

2011-03-11T20:52:00.003-05:00

The wind is blowing, the night is gloomy, something about the skies today.. they worry me. like when death comes knocking. there's an unsettling feeling at the bottom of my heart, ever since my dad called me this morning at 5 to find out if i am alright in lieu of the tsunami warnings in the west coast of the US.
Throughout the day,i've been feeling a little down. lonely almost. and i figured maybe its cause of the earthquake in Japan and seeing hundreds dead, im longing to be with familiar faces.There was a car crash right around the corner of the street i live in this morning. Just seems like a day filled with calamity.
I'mm hoping the tsunami doesnt strike california, but to be honest, im kinda fearful.
My prayers go out to everyone in Japan. Be strong Japan.

A Roadtrip Ahead!

2011-02-21T12:10:00.004-05:00

I used to think that Usher wasnt the most good looking person ever and hated it when someone says that i resembled him. But it seems lately i've been getting more and more comments about our similarity.
walking down the streets of miami, at the bars here in eau claire, on facebook pictures, just randomly. haha. my friend even went to the extent of taking both our pictures and putting em together to create this :

I had a farewell party last saturday. I hadnt really given much thought to throwing one but then realized that i might not see some of my friends - forever, if i didnt. So saturday afternoon i sent a facebook message to a hundred of my close friends here. haha 4 hours later the house was filled! and the partyin started! it was a great time!
Driving around town today, there's a massive snow storm that just reminds me of how much i hate and love eau claire. haha the sights of the coffee lounge that i so often frequent, the downtown movie theater, the dance studio. just everything is striking a sad nostalgic-like chord within me. but oh happy times await!
im driving down to california!! :)

and i've, although not advisable given the timing, gotten myself involved. i dont know how i feel about this at the moment, but i think heartaches are lurking around the corner.

i think i will document my road trip as i hit the road and make stops! this is going to be FUN! except roadtrips alone arent the most ideal of situations! but whateveR! im moving to california!!

mmm what a SPLENDID WEEK!

2011-02-04T19:43:00.005-05:00

and yet again, sweet surprises keep popping up in my life.
I took a time out from LSAT studying to embark on a roadtrip down to Nebraska where two of my best friends from home go to school. Ruth turned 21 last friday and it was an excellent time seeing them both again. It was really nice to take my mind of worrying about my visa situation, and all the complications that went along with it.

I love being away from friends and reconnecting, telling each other stories, seeing how each others lives' have changed in years passed. And then things just started looking up from there. Early Wednesday ,i found out my Visa came in, that afternoon i was contacted by an employer to set up an interview. I was ecstatic since this was the one among all the applications that i wanted to hear back from. Then the next day, i was contacted by a different employer for another job interview next week. And the worries i had were now slowly dissipating!

That night a friend of mine called and asked if i wanted to be in their wedding party as a groomsmen! I've always wanted to be part of an american wedding! the good news just kept coming!
Two days later, this morning, i called in at 11 for the interview. Yes i messed up- the call died twice due to lost signal, I forgot the contents of a human right treaty i read just 20 minutes prior, and i thought to myself. oh well. lets just see how this goes... i thanked them for their time asking when would i hear back whether i get the position or not. they said sometime next week. i was glad the interview was over and could only wait.
3 minutes later, i get a phone call.. they offered me the POSITION!!
and now everything is settled as far as my plans prior to law school this fall!... good things come to patience and persistence. never give up they say. im still living my life! ah this is such a great opportunity. i hope the internship gives me all that i want and more. I'm extremely happy.. now cant wait to call my parents to tell them the news! As worried as i was, i've been constantly reassuring them that i got everything covered and taken care of! and ahhhhh gosh ive been smiling all day!!

i love it! and i will be in CALIFORNIA!!! back to berkeley! loved everything about Berkeley when i was there! i start march 1st! and am now super pumped to plan the next few weeks!.. till then i have my law school exam next weekend, i have to prepare all my applications to law school. i have to read up for the internship position. i have so much to do. but i am soo looking forward to everything!!!!!!

go Green Bay Packers!!

2011-01-23T17:47:00.002-05:00

almost the end of january now of the new year! and i thought id be blogging more. nevertheless im in a rut now. these past few weeks seem to go by real fast and yet nothing really productive has come about it.
I've applied to tons of internships and jobs but thats all i could do. my visa is still being processed and though everyone is telling me not to worry i cant help but be apprehensive.
its so frustrating how long i have to wait to hear back from my application.

but besides that im taking the Law school exams on the 11th and it should be another stressful time of the year. after that though all my applications will be sent out to law schools and such.the year is off to a slow start but hey no worries. i still think the year holds a lot for me.

its hard to describe it. for me it feels like how it felt when i first came to the US. so many possibilities.

so anyways im watching a football game now between the packers and the chicago bears and we are leading by 7 points and there is about 3 mintues left. it is an intense game! arghhh got to go now. i am getting so nervous even though i dont know football much. however. WIKIPEDIA has been very helpful in my 3 hours of clueless football watching!

Facebook me! Daven Raj

2011-01-08T18:35:00.003-05:00

Its the 8th of January!
My new roommate moved in today. He seems like a really nice guy and as im typing this,i hear some really chill accoustic guitar music in the background. bliss, at least he is not one of those headbanger-heavymetal-homone-charged people.
Last night was fun! there actually are people out and about this town!
I think im at a point where i am going to try and blog every other day. I really didnt do much blogging in 2010.
Today i went to watch the social network movie. It was all about facebook and how it came to be. Pretty interesting and gave me a better insight into the subject of my addiction. pure genious!
I've decided to not look for legal internships as they all require me doing some sort of receptionists job and that really does not excite me! Im leaning towards finding an internship with a human rights organization and donig something toward the betterment of the world around us.
I feel like i want to start dating again. but i know with how my life is advancing right now, it wont be a very committed or meaningful relationship at this point. maybe when im more settled in. we'll see. :0)
anyways just a short update. going to head out to the gym now and work on my body! haha
loads of love,
the graduate

a New Year's Post. a reflection of 2010

2011-01-07T15:25:00.004-05:00

Im here again, on a beach 3 years in a row i've started and ended my year on some sandy white beach, with wind in the hair, sitting and reflecting on the year's past and making soon to be filled promises to myself of the upcoming year.
The waves are gently rolling up the shore. puerto rico didnt seem like it was a year ago. i'm reminded of my thoughts last year about how people let their dreams die and lose themselves without a sight. I look at all my friends living their dreams and it is inspiring.. it has been an aspiration. To sum up the year, it has till date been the most eventful year of my life.
The year saw its own setbacks, hearing of two friends' deaths- both tragic and devastating, being diagnosed with a skin condition- damaged my self esteem,experiencing a near death experience at a waterfall and then yes, as silly as it sounds, Argentina's defeat at the world cup! it amazes me how the things that happen around us shape the way we are.the birds are flying so dangerously close to our heads it looks like it might swoop down and grab my phone away from my hands. damn birds go away.
This spring, perhaps saw me faced with one of the biggest challenges come my way. A local bar owner spurting racially charged remarks towards muslims. I've never felt so empowered, so enraged, and through much planning and organizing, saw the success of the Middle East Awareness Week- something i shall forever be proud of. Such a nuisance, i do wish it away.
This year we also organized a Fundraising for the Haiti earthquakes that saw around 400 some dollars raised. My college experiences just kept adding up. Being selected to be on a search and screen committee for the Dean of Students, leading the Student Life and Diversity Commissions, the International Students Association further helped me with my stewardship skills. Being honored with the Inclusive Excellence Leadership award,and then being selected to speak at graduation, really made my college journey come around full circle. I dont even know how to begin to describe how life changing my journey here in the US has been. My final semester also proved to be the best academic semester for me despite the insanely hard classes. My political science senior capstone project on malaysian politics saw my ties with my estranged country become more enlivened than ever.
I ran my first ever half marathon this year! i would never forget that memory. at the end it really brought me past all the insecurities i've felt as a fat child, telling me that all i have to do is keep pushing forward.The Harvard experience over the summer saw me both in awe and wanting more from my education. it has awakened this hunger and passion to keep learning to be the best that i can be.
This year must be where all my stars are alligned together.I've never heard so many people tell me that they see something special in me- a certain light. Brushing it off to spiritual ramblings, i've learned to embrace myself more since and am now of the same belief that i will make a difference. anything is possible if you belief in yourself and have the power to dream.
My brother is off by the water, frolicking around, he seems entertained by the crashing of waves against his body sending him zooming right back to the shore.
The happenstance of people in my life. the connections i've built over the year. So many great people, helping me realize my dreams, together making changes, together celebrating, together being in despair. humanity has never been more beautiful to me.
As the day turns from dusk to dawn, i see the skies change in the horizon from the sun-light bright blue to a captivating orange as the sun retreats into its nest, till the beauty of the moon- like a shy beautiful rose, rises and casts unto all this mesmerizing glow. My graduation marked the end of my 3 and a half years away in this foreign land, my dreams have come true. After all the struggles and the doubts of others, with the hopes of my parents and brothers in mind, i've done it.And then finally my single greatest memory of all, my reunion with the family after 2 and a half years. my never failing pillars that have been there for me all my life. words cant even begin to describe the immense joy i felt with them by my side. Everything i've worked for, everything i've accomplished now just seemed a bilion times more fruitful with my family there to witness it all conclude. the pride in their faces, the tears of joy mum shed, the inspired brother. The first graduate among the children, the second in the entire family. what an amazing end to a brilliant year. Their love illuminating my way, telling me not to fear.

2010 will forever be remembered but as the waves keep going, the birds keep flying, my years will keep adding and i am only even more excited to see more, to do more, to reach out into the world and experience more that life can offer.
Happy New Year everyone!
and may the year shine its bright lights on all of your lives.

looking back

2010-12-21T00:39:00.000-05:00

Im no writer by any means, but theres something rather pleasing in journaling while travelling. I read once that the essentials to being a travel writer is first and foremost the description. Starting with the phsyical scenery- lush green forests, then recounting to the readers the sequence in which you take in the sights before you. Smell- fresh tropical notes with a hint of sea salt breeze. Something that stands out. The way the cars have a heating device installed, or the abundance of one race over another. Feel- how the combination of all the above elements adds to your travelling experience. The calming effect of the laid back lifestyle for example.
Of course then you start going into the details before finally concluding with what you can take away from entirity of the travel.

A travel reflection, if done right, helps you relive moments of splendour, take in the same sights.sounds.smells of a place, but most of all it lets you narrate a story...your own story. Two summers ago, as i laid in the warm sandy beaches of santa monica, hiked up the breath taking mountains of yosemite, drove through the perfect assortment of colors that hung in the evening skies of highway one and being able to detail it all through pictures and words really made all the difference. This past summer saw me venture into the realms of the east coast with a short summer stint in Harvard but my failure to reflect upon some of the 'sweetest' experiences so far in life has rendered me or my memory incapable of preserving and relishing in these moments. Maybe thats it, we forget. When the passage of time builds on more new memories and information fed to our medula oblongata, ' haha waterboy' reference, the brain just confines the old into (obsoleteoness?).

Now i had recently graduated from university with a degree in political science. I did not graduate top of the class but was offered the opportunity to speak at commencement. How do i even begin to describe the senasations that ran through my body. The privileges that came with being able to speak at graduation entailed being the second person to cross the stage to receive my diploma,and a bottle of water placed underneath my chair. I didnt get to speak until the conferal of all the awards and diplomas were done so the pressure wasnt too high. I really wasnt that nervous either, then two minutes before my scheduled appearance, my heart started racing so hard. I thought to my family in the audience. I remember how this had the most serene calming effect on me during auditions and i came to the realization that this was all real and happening. I was going to grace the stage and address my entire graduating class. What an incredible honor, and to have my family and friends and faculty in the audience just empowered me to give it my all. As the chancellor read my name and a few of my accomplishments i cannot help but gush and smile( im still not very apt in receiving compliments), but then i walked to center stage and boy i almost tripped on something...of course right after the chancellor talks about my dancing abilities. Haha talk about being graceful. But i looked out into the crowd and the few familiar faces were there smiling back at me. "thank you chancellor and good afternoon everyone.. " i started. The speech went well, the only mistake i made was saying congratulations and good luck when i meant good luck and congratulations, and the tassle kept annoying me! The applause was soo satisfying and the congratulatory remarks after were humbling. A professor wrote an email about how that speech made everyone happy. My friend said that speech brought a tear to his eyes, but i dont think it has to do with the speech moreso than knowing a fellow friend is giving the speech. I didnt think the speech was that moving haha but honestly, I would be so proud too if someone i know was up there.

At the end of the day, my family was proud of me and that was everything i could wish for.

And thats it my grauation experience. Once in a lifetime, well at least until i graduate law school but one thing im most pleased about is that i am ready for whats to come. Life will only get more challenging more rewarding and more fulfilling.
I really went off on a long tangent, i started writing in hopes of talking about my trip to disneyworld which i am currently in transit to- sitting high above land on a silver bird. 25 000 feet they say. I land in about half an hour and will be spending christmas here. Then its new york with the family for new years. Its also my brother's birthday today. I have to find a way to make it special for him. Well till next time folks. Tune in for moree

The things that make me smile

2010-12-08T19:55:00.004-05:00

We have a student run publication here in the university which I myself have written to once or twice but today, opening the magazine and reading what i will share with you next, brought tears to my eyes. My best friend in colege wrote this.

Hail to the King
Issue 7
David Steinfeld
Undergraduate/Psychology

On an early summer day in August we walked up the steps together to Hill Top among all the other new international students and it was then that I asked for your name for the first time. We talked about the World Cup and it was quite funny that you told me that you liked Argentina considering that my country’s team was the one that kicked them out so mercilessly. Nonetheless, good chemistry seemed to flow between us right from the beginning, I guess because we both were so infatuated with football. And it was quite astonishing how easy it was to always make you laugh. I remember that one time I made our clueless friend Jelena say “I like shitting my pants” in German and when I told everyone what she had just said you laughed so hard you nearly fell off a bench.

But the laughter was always mutual, for I stopped counting the moments that you brought a smile to my face. I distinctly remember telling you a story about a girl from our English 110 class and the only way for you to identify her was through the following blunt question: “David…Is she the girl with the big boobs?” I am still pissing my pants whenever I think about this. Of course, not even our academic work could be spared from your spontaneous goofiness and humor. I still see myself wrecking my nerves to come up with a concluding line to finish a dialogue we had to present to our Spanish class the next day and the only creative phrases you could come up with were: “Hola, David. ¿Como estas? Yo tengo una fiesta en mis pantalones”. Again, my worries were easily diffused thanks to your talents and the next day we rocked that dialogue, though without that fiesta in your pantalones.

It never got boring being around you. Once in a while you would narrate funny anecdotes from your childhood to all of us, like that one time you wanted to see what it would feel like to jump out of a driving bus and you found out it was not so much fun when your entire body was very sore afterwards. Regardless, I was amazed at how you could tell this physically painful story with your typical innocent grin on your face. All I could think of was: “Yeah, this guy is definitely too goofy for this world”.

But I am also impressed with the overall beauty of this person that I can always marvel at whenever I look at his Facebook profile. Below his profile pic it’s stated that he is passionately playful. Playful? Yes, indeed he is if you think about his hilarious sense of humor that is often contagious or his reoccurring suave dance moves in the bars that can lure other people into paying attention to him to the point that they are hypnotized by his trance-like performances.

But underneath this playful surface, one can often see another, more passionate side of Daven Raj: a gentle, sensitive human being who often engages in selfless actions for greater causes and the well -being of others. It may just be through a heartwarming smile and generous hug that he greets you with whenever you run into him that can make the shittiest day suddenly burst out with sunshine. I have rarely met a person who exudes such an aura of happiness and positive energy and who contains so much love for mankind. His unrelenting passion drives him beyond limits to make a difference in the world. Over the last three years he has done a lot of admirable work for UW-Eau Claire by serving as a student senator for numerous terms or by addressing issues of diversity and social justice as a peer diversity educator and not to forget, by being an excellent, motivating mentor for new incoming international students.

Everyone who knows and has worked with Mr. Raj can attest to the fact that his enthusiasm not only stays with him but that it also spreads to other people and gets them involved in greater causes. This fall we finally realized our dream in working on a pressing issue of diversity that needed to be addressed: Islamophobia. I never thought twice when he offered me to help him out in this wonderful opportunity to get the Middle East Awareness Week started. I am amazed with how much Asya, Emelia, Daven, I and all the other great people accomplished in such a short amount of time and I am all the more grateful for the overall impact we had. How many nights we spent working very hard on everything with few hours of sleep in between and in the end it all paid off. We finally did it Daven, and I think you deserve to give yourself a pat on the shoulder for this. It was an honor and pleasure working with you and I can never thank you enough for letting me be a part of this.

It’s too bad that I can’t proceed through the graduation ceremony with you; for me it’s another 4 months with the Blugolds. Things will always be different whenever someone we cherish has to leave. At the same time though, we all have to go at some point and move on to bigger things to continue walking the routes of our lives. As for you, Daven, I see marvelous things ahead of you because you have a lot of great potential. I firmly believe that you will make an outstanding lawyer and that at some time in our lives you will have a great impact in this world. Frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised if I saw your face in the United Nations some day or who knows, maybe on a future cover of GQ magazine J.

Terima kasih banyak-banyak for everything you have done, Daven, for being such an irreplaceable voice for diversity and social justice, for all the infinite moments of splendor we could share, and for being such an amazing friend. I love you, my Malaysian King.

-Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever-

http://www.quotegarden.com/best-friends.html

gonna miss you sexy ass motherf*cker!

the end is near.

2010-12-08T19:02:00.003-05:00

If you'd like to watch my graduation :)

www.uwec.edu/advantage/commence10/broadcast.htm.

Here's the online link that will broadcast the event live. I will be one of the first people to cross the stage to get my diploma and my speech will be way at the end when eevryone has gotten their diplomas; so tune in watch me get my diploma then come back an hour and 20 minutes later and watch my speech :) OMG its next week! IM GRADUATING! HOLY @#!@$#!U (!*$)# !)$*!)$!!

just bought my graduation gown and mortar board! The last time i wore those were when i was taking pictures at my kindegarden graduation! :) :)
I've just been feeling so blessed! gosh family will be here in 8 days!

Malaysias downfall

2010-12-07T15:40:00.002-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/04/world/asia/04iht-malay.html

i was just in the midst of writing about malaysian politics when i came about this article in the New York Times today, its so apalling.Students should not take this lightly. The government are attempting to supress our youth like how they've silenced the ethnic groups.
happy reading :)

Of Friends and Food

2010-12-05T16:59:00.003-05:00

Ah the joys of living on your own, having friends and a passionate aficionado of cooking and good food. Its been a busy couple of weeks now that schools coming to an end, the week seems to go by rather quickly with all the school work and what not and the weekends fly by too with the parties and more school catching up.

I've also discovered this craving for world flavors and wanting to try as many food as possible. So devised this great plan of themed pot luck dinners every weekend. Different friends, different homes, different food. So far i've had Middle Eastern, Indian,Italian, and Hispanic themed dinners and the food has been great at all meals. :)

Its a nice way of spending time with friends and getting to know one another, playing games and enjoying a good meal. Its also great way to just slow down and enjoy life in an otherwise fast paced world. Dinner conversations really teach u to listen and connect with people. Next week we're doing an Asian themed dinner. I'm expecting deliciousness! If youre reading this, i'd recommend you to try it with your group of friends! :)

p.s- YouTube is really the best chef of them all, with a breakdown of all the ingredients and cooking methods, you cant go wrong.

2010-11-22T23:36:00.003-05:00

My friends helping me take graduation pics :).
I asked her to help me take pics at the graduation ceremony and she suggested taking a whole bunch of pictures.. sorta like a reflection on my time here in EC. How great is that! :)
Heres just one of the many pitures we took.

We're doing something to fight HATE!

2010-11-22T22:45:00.004-05:00

Middle East Exposed: Panel Discussion went exceptionally well. We had about 90 people in attendance, which was awesome! I feel rather fulfilled, that feeling that comes about after you put in effort into something and see it flourish..
Questions were raised about homosexuality, honor killings, terrorism, media's role in the villification of Middle East, women rights, etc.A whole 2 hours of question and answer. I was rather disappointed that the local tv station crew cancelled at the last minute which sucked and the school newspaper is just run by a few incompetent people that are apt at stirring controversy by negligent reporting. It wouldve been nice to see a coverage on an issue that really hits at the core of all the blind prejudice and unfounded stereotypes, through education. I will however certainly raise issue with the absence of a certain panelist.
But lets focus on the positive- it was a great turnout:)
and tomorrow marks the last of the events that we have planned for the middle East Awareness week- Live performance of middle eastern music and screening of Kuda Ke Liye, a film that looks into the lives of a Pakistani/Muslim family post 9-11.
My final campus involvement initiative and the most significant one :)

Now back to capstone research and finishing up on my paper. So much work! :(
There will be a live link to my graduation that i will post on here, so you can all see me give my speech if you'd like :)
Daven

running.. runninggg... walk.. take it in....breathe

2010-11-20T22:37:00.002-05:00

This is sooooooooo weird! the number of days till graduation has now decreased to the 20's.
i dont think im ready for this yet! I hate moving, its all the moving around of furniture and purchase of household items that really bother me. Lately, it seems graduation and family has been on my mind a lot. I am going to miss the friends that i have met throughout my time here. the administration. the organizations. program assistants. janitors. Everyone! Everyhing!
The one thing im glad hasnt struck me is senioritis. and im guessing at this rate, it is a lil to late to happen. Middle East awareness week has been going great! our first two events have been met with, in my opinion, pretty good success.
Monday is the panel discussion which im really looking forward to! God i hope we have a good turnout. The owner of the Pickle, has cowardly decided to not respond to our invitation to be on the panel. His cowardice speaks at not only his ignorance but his obvious lies. He claims that he wants to meet with these students, to express his opinions, challenge our views, but when the opportunity presents itself, he quietly hides in his pathetic little corner. Oh well, ignorance only breeds more stupidity. I myself am looking forward to an educated, civil discussion that will affirm and challenge some of my views.
I have to - figure out a grad party location, figure out future employment, law schools, future residency etc etc etc.
andddddddd finish my capstone thats due the week after next! OMG! gottta run! love you all!
daven

moments captured

2010-11-18T20:58:00.002-05:00

Calming the nerves!
i ran down the hill from class, which got out later than usual, towards the student union where the commencement committee awaited- ready to judge me. Out of breath and cursed with this sudden found nervousness, i glanced at the clock. 10 minutes before time. not bad. 'stop freaking yourself out. haha you've gone through this a couple of times now' i tried telling myself. who am i kidding? this things dont work. I then decided to try and re-capture the feeling i was going through as i rehearsed. the feeling of knowing that my family is sitting in the audience. Of knowing that i've envisioned myself on this very stage after finding out that a friend of mine was the commencement speaker a year ago. This wave of calmness came over me. i picked up the paper, read through the speech once. and i knew i was ready. I walked in, my hands stopped trembling, i smiled confidently, saw one or two familiar faces in the crowd. Got to the podium and... the rest as so cliche'ishly put - is history.
You know when you've given your all and think to yourself "well there's nothing more to do.. but wait".
Only an hours wait- that email confirming my place atop the stage on graduation, came in my inbox. gosh. happy tears. im such a sappy lil baby. all i kept picturing were the faces of my parents proud. coming all the way from home. Fifteen freaking Thousand miles away.
Unanimous decision- i was later told. I know, this was meant to be.
and because social networking sites are such a wonderful way of spreading breaking news- i updated my status..and 1 day later, 76 *likes* on my status. all the well wishes and shared happiness only adds on to immense joy im experiencing!

A glorious day :)

2010-11-17T18:40:00.002-05:00

And so it is. almost the end. almost towards that beacon of shining light at the end of this long winding road. or so we think. The uncertainties dont faze me however.

College graduation. so close to finally holding that piece of paper that pretty much sums up all the effort and work put towards these past 4 years! The feeling will be great!
the Day will be great! My family will be by my side. It will be a pretty darn sweet reunion.
it will be snowing. but i will surely be surrounded by warmth that i've been longing for.
and then to top it all of. to be selected as the student speaker at commencement. My experience here has come full circle. how can i possibly ask for more.

life is blissful. dont take it for granted. please.

the antics, the laughs, the memories. they keep building

2010-11-17T11:27:00.001-05:00

haha this picture makes me smile soo much!

19 no more.

2010-11-16T03:59:00.003-05:00

I wish i was more eloquent in my writing style where i could conjure up words at the fingers touch on the keyboard. click, click, clicks all around the computer lab at 3 in the morning but here i am lost for words.. more clicks. the girl sitting across from me seems rather upset over something.oh no she forgot to save her document and cant recover it now. i remember having a similar experience. the only thing that kept me from smashing the computer screen on the ground were the security cameras installed above. speaking of which, I'm seated directly below one.
I am rather worried that winter is approaching. My psoriasis that i was diagnosed with last spring was exacerbated by the cold winter days that left my body with scars. Psoriasis can be seasonal, extreme at times, almost invisible at others. I really do not want to go through feeling so insecure yet again.My time abroad has allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin figuratively and i guess, with a hint of irony,literally.
half an hour has passed, My capstone research is progressing at a slow rate. God, i have much to be done. I also recently completed my resume and i must say, it looks pretty darn good.
I was left disappointed at the lack of activism of some of my friends.they complain but dont want to take action. when the opportunity presents itself, they let it go. I've been surrounded by too many people who care to make a difference that i get disheartened when im around those who are apathetic.
Well i should really get back to my research now.
oh happy eid mubarak/Hari Raya Korban to all my Muslim friends and readers :)

A week of wonderful news!

2010-11-14T22:29:00.004-05:00

My final semester has proven to be one of the toughest since i've been in school. Just got my Midterm grades back! and phewww 2 A's and 2 B's. Im surprised in a good way. Now i have to make up for all the lost capstone research time by spending at least 4 hours tonight on research!

Also Middle East Awareness Week is this coming week! Been working hard with the rest of them to make this a possibility and the support has just been wonderful so far!
Education and awareness is the key to fighting ignorance and hate. Pray that this would be a successful week.

And the poster looks beautiful :)

Oh and my auditions to speak at graduation is this wednesday where i'll present my speech to the selection committee and will find out that night itself. If chosen, i can safely say that my college experience is just everything i've craved for and more, and everytime i rehearse my speech i keep picturing the look on my family's face and it makes me want to do it all the more.
I would be bummed if i didnt get it, naturally, but either way ...graduation is fast approaching and i am just beyond thrilled that I will finally see my family again in less than a month. 2 and a half years is just simply too long. It takes so much to not breakdown and give up, but the reward is so satisfying.
good day everyone :)
with love,
Daven

34 days till graduation

a wish upon a star!

2010-11-11T20:05:00.001-05:00

1 in 5 . those are my chances.. goshh!! i really want this!

college graduation!

2010-11-01T18:00:00.003-04:00

I'm applying to speak at my commencement! just wrote the speech in an hour and a half and sent it in exactly at the deadline! here's to hoping!

Thank you Chancellor! Good afternoon everyone,and I almost cant believe that we're here. YES my fellow graduating class of 2010,We Did It! After 3,4,5 some even 7years , we are seated here today, our bachelors degrees in our hands and we have made it through our college journey. First,let me express my deepest gratitude for my presence on stage this afternoon albeit a little different. I started my journey about 15 000 miles away from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, three and a half years ago. When I first came to UW- Eau Claire, almost immediately I realized a few different things. One, Sunday nights at around 7 starting from Mid August, I should not hide in fear as I once did,at the sudden explosion of screams resounding from the residence halls- the American students are just watching Sunday Night Football. Two,football is religion. Three, Go Packers! I also clearly remember the first time it started snowing, I who have not seen snow in my life, ran into class and loudly proclaimed that it was raining ice. The laughter still rings in my ears.

Standing here today, I am extremely proud of Eau Claire's rich tradition, the opportunities to grow as leaders, as a person has been countless. The times we have spent bracing the hill, especially in winter has fostered resilience in each and every one of us. The dedication we have given to checking our Facebook profiles, before, after, in between and even during classes have definitely proven that when we are passionate, we really ARE passionate. The moments we spent crossing the bridge(reported in the David Letterman show as one of the top ten coldest places in America.) has built an
insurmountable level of endurance, and of course the creativity proven from all the rock formations we see at the bottom of the bridge are all life lessons we have learned in our time here.

Sacrifice- I am forever indebted for my parent's unconditional love and important sacrifices that have made this moment even possible. The sacrifices that our families and loved ones have made to ensure that each and everyone of us are seating where we are with smiles so wide on our faces today, should not be forgotten. To my greatest motivators, mom and dad, my brothers who have flown in all the way from home, and to all the parents and loved ones gathered here today, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Today, we are all graduating from an institution that has excelled in national rankings and recognitions. Our nationally recognized undergraduate student-faculty research program provides research opportunities often available only to graduate students at large schools. We send more students abroad than any other master's level institution in Wisconsin.In recent years, UW-Eau Claire has had more students receive Fulbright grants than most master's level schools in the country. This
is amazing but my greatest memory of Eau Claire will always be at the activism of our students and the support from the university. The passion of students to make changes, seeing a 37 foot pride flag flown on National Coming Out Day, Do I look like an illegal person'protest campaign in response to Arizona legislation, Students taking proactive roles in ensuring the Blugold Commitment vote and our intense devotion to protect a tree we barely knew existed.

We have learned to speak different languages, learned to appreciate and celebrate different cultures, and learned to use our knowledge, talent and passion to engage our communities. It is the Eau Claire experience that has taught us to dream, that has taught us that yes we can and will change the world one day.
Although our hometowns may be thousands of miles apart, we are all connected by our Eau Claire experience. The world we live in are consequences of our actions. So my hope is that you and I , my fellow graduates of the Class of 2010, my fellow Blugolds, and my fellow citizens of the world, let us embrace all the peoples of the world for who they are with the binding force of our warm Eau Claire spirit, with courage and devotion, with strength and sacrifice to make a true difference in the world.
I would like to end with a quote from Dr Seuss
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
Go BluGolds! Good luck and Congratulations once again.

Halloween 2010- epic night out as gandhi

2010-11-01T02:29:00.004-04:00

Halloween has come and gone. and each year it has just been getting better!
this time a whole group of us went to Madison a town 3 hours away to party in style.We walked around town exploring earlier in the day before the night time festivities. It was a street party and despite the many drama that went on that night, with prissy little pricks, it was still a great and fun halloween. I felt famos. Well i was gandhi after all. it feels nice to be able to live my name to its fullest. the bouncer read my ID which has my full name- Davendra Raj Ghandi Rajan and did a double take wondering if i gave him a fake ID. haha.
I woke up this morning and realized i was still speaking in my indian accent! but i think i did my part in spreading peace in Mad-Town! the party was off the hook. Here are just a couple of pics from various friend's cameras. :) God Bless you son! be the change you want to see in the world, good morning sun and beautipoool girls were common sayings of gandhi throughout the night. :)
I also got arrested by a (fake)policewoman for tarnishing the mahatma's name haha.

simple truth

2010-10-28T23:13:00.003-04:00

everybody has been asking me why do i do it?

somebody needs to stand up to injustice. This one quote that i read when i was much younger has stuck with me ever since. A friend of mine wrote it in one of those autograph books that kids my age did back then and it read,' stand up for something or you'll fall for anything'.

this is me taking a stand because i care. need i other reasons?

This Weekend!

2010-10-28T15:02:00.005-04:00

Halloween is fast approaching!
The first year i was here i was this weird half black/half white person. haha
I was aladdin 2 years ago.

last year i was DraFonda Luv'Er Teets Rai

This year im going to be Gandhi! wooot! im excited.except i think many people will be too 'ignorant' to know who gandhi is. Pictures will be up after all the craziness

recently...

2010-10-24T12:11:00.004-04:00

You know how when you start to rouse from sleep, you sometimes just lay there, eyes closed, as you let your mind come back to life. Everytime that happens to me after a night out involving alcohol, i pray for two things. One- that I'm in my own room and TWO-that no one is sleeping beside me. This morning = success.
Ever too often, regrettably one or the other happens to me.

In completely unrelated news, yesterday I found out a friend of mine had died. He killed himself. With a gun. I was a bit of everything, shocked mostly, sad, confused, angry. Suicide just causes everyone to wonder why? Were there signs? If you have the courage and strength to actually put a gun to your head and pull its trigger, why not just wait a bit longer in life. He was such a nice guy, different from the rest of the american freshman kids. We lived on the same floor and he was always respectful and friendly and really interested in meeting with the international students.There's been a slew of suicides around the US lately among teens and young adults and many public figures and celebrities are coming up with ,' it gets better' messages. Life really does get better. i cant believe he is dead! may he find peace he wasnt able to attain while alive.

I guess i should update about how my LSAT went. Having done enough practice test,i guess i know how i would fare in each section. wait before that, here's an overview of the LSAT. 5 sections, one of them being an experimental section. Im pretty sure i did well in 3 of my 5 sections and okay on one of them but felt like i may have messed up big time on another of the sections. I could leave it to fate and hope that that was the experimental section, but my nerves got the best of me and i proceeded to cancel my results even before knowing how i did. I opted to take it again in December and now have about 6 weeks till that happens :).

just an update from America's Dairyland.

Can i have your attention please!?

2010-10-18T01:57:00.004-04:00

After alerting the city's newspaper, they did a coverage of the situation.Click the link below to go to the article, some of the comments are simply outrageous!
I was slightly disheartened by comments that have been thrown at me, simply because the reason i am doing this is for the safety of the community and my friends and not for any selfish personal reasons. But a few realizations have helped me regain the strength to keep going.

1) knowing that the ones that are vocal in dissent arent representing the opinions of the majority.

2)getting emails from strangers telling me that they respect me for doing this and wish me luck.

3) this saying by martin luther king jr. : The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Newspaper Article HERE!

wish me the best of luck friends and readers.

update: the above link might require a subscription to read the article but go to it anyways to read the comments that do not require a subscription. here's another link to a publication in the neighbouring state that posted the same article. CLICK HERE

i honestly dislike u ... u dirty bar

2010-10-13T01:38:00.003-04:00

My newspaper editorial on the issue of the local bar thats been a nuisance as of late.

Here's a good headline : College students say no to free alcohol at a local bar in hopes of dismantling hate. For many of you that don't know, we have a situation on our hands. Allow me to shed some light: Apparently, during the 2010 spring semester, The Pickle held its annual Pickle Fest. This is a day which the bar opens early and hands out prizes and cash to students who attend. At this Pickle Fest, the bar owner entered the DJ stand and began yelling patriotic and pro-American chants. Following this, he began yelling "Fuck the Muslims."

In addition to this, the bar owner has recently begun selling "Save an American, Kill a Terrorist" t-shirts to students. When you buy this $15 shirt, you are able to receive free drinks , every Wednesday night of the week from 9-11pm. As many of you may have seen, he drives a truck covered with an eagle, the American flag, as well as the Twin Towers. On the back of his truck you will see his website www.saveanamericankillaterrorist.com. We also have reasons to believe that the owner might have uttered the same “Fuck the Muslims” chant recently at the Pickle. By simply putting these events together, you can begin to see the issue facing us.

Save an American, Kill a Terrorist campaign was crafted to propogate the views of one individual on college students not by fair intellectual debates, not even by random racially charged arguments, but by means of alcohol. It is pitiful that the owner needs to resort to means of taking advantage of college students, who like many of us, need to work a few jobs just to get through college.

One way to understand the events that have been happening is to question the purpose of the perpetrator of hate. A letter drafted by the Student Life and Diversity commission of Student Senate, with the help of the campus attorney, was issued to the management of the establishment last Spring calling for actions including sensitivity training or the management team and a statement of apology from the owner himself. However the opportunity for the owner to comment went ignored and we are left to assume that the owner either never got the letter, or really doesn't give two cents about the atrocity of his actions. Turns out I was only partially right, not only does he not care about his actions but he takes it a step further and starts a campaign, and in the white supremacy bigoted position that he puts himself in, utters the same gross words of “Fuck the Muslims” again in the Fall Semester.

Many may think that activities promoting hate should be ignored and that going against these messages will only bring attention to their efforts. However, only by taking a proactive stance can we dismantle hate and make the campus and its surrounding area as inclusive as possible. By not addressing the issue we are faced with, we are implicitly condoning the actions of the individual to create a platform of ignorance and build a divided community.

The issue needs to be addressed immediately for several different reasons. First, there is the fear that is evoked from his campaign and his continuous hate towards Muslims. This call for violence and the constant reference to Muslims need not a genius to see the correlation that the owner is aiming to get. Although there may have been strong emotions that arose out of political events in the past, it is largely understood that it is not the case where any religious group is responsible for the terrorist acts but rather the result of individuals not conforming to the teachings of their faith. Many Muslims live in and are respected in our community and the university, we have students that are here from the middle east and all over the world who practice Islam. The actions of the bar owner poses a dangerous threat to our Muslim friends. I can just picture a group of angry youngsters, drunk from the alcohol, fueled by the hate speech and void of clear reasoning, potentially harming Muslims, especially women wearing the hijab( cloth covering the head traditionally worn by Muslim women). The university has been taking such big strides in ensuring that campus is inclusive and safe for all and it is not right for an establishment so close to campus to start spreading fear even in one person. This type of behavior is unacceptable and universally condemned by the University System.

When dealing with hate groups, our greatest weakness is if we let the issue go in silence and let fear be the reason for inaction. The most effective way to handle groups such as this is by a clear public rejection of their bigoted message. A public statement of opposition from city officials, level-headed citizenry carrying unmistakable messages of rejection, and a conspicuous absence of public participation at the event is enough to discourage hate group events in most communities.1
A group of student leaders have been meeting on a weekly basis to craft ways in which we can best approach the situation. We want to raise awareness within the university and the community and hope that through awareness, one can decide to take a stand.

I think we can all play a big part in this. Make a community wide decision, united against the spread of fear and hate. Hate group activity affects everyone in the community; therefore, people of goodwill must stand together in exposing the ugliness of hate. Engaging ourselves in interfaith dialect, making a choice to not attend events that support hate, organizing events that promote multiculturalism,alerting the local media, forming a anti-hate community group- the means are plentiful, but what it comes down to is a show of unity and a little care.

If you want to get involved or have witnessed any form of discrimination at the Pickle, please contact the Student Life and Diversity Commission of Student Senate at stusen56@uwec.edu. The International Students Association are planning to have a Middle Eastern Awareness Day in the near future where more information will be posted when available. We can all do a little part in ensuring that we live in a safe and peaceful environment.

online shopping!

2010-10-08T00:50:00.006-04:00

So maybe its the exam stress but my LSAT is on Saturday and i am still not able to calm myself down! just knowing that so much rests with my scores scares the living crap out of me..

And then i come online, and thought shopping would offer some sort of comfort. I proceeded to purchase both the shoulder messenger bag and the cardigan pictured below,off of e-bay.

I have a thing for both cardigans and bags. wanted to click on the purchase button everytime i came across one that i liked.

pictures took off website.

here's a link to the website that has an impressive range of offerings at a decent - well decent enough price. im surely coming back for more!

and nope, still feeling the exam-jitters.

beautiful stranger

2010-09-29T13:35:00.002-04:00

ever had that random person add you on facebook and even though you've sworn off ever adding a stranger on social networking sites, accepted the friends request anyway simply because of the way that person looks.

i actually really did enjoy chatroulette because it provided a mean of getting to know strangers.... well until the overload of penis happened. you enter the site, hit chat and voila a face pops up. its a funny looking white guy- you hit next, next two random girls dressed in sweatshirts appear, you say h...and before you could finish your hello, they hit next. then a penis appears, point and laugh then hit next. then you come upon this really average looking person, who's like your average college joe. why not, you say hello, he says hello... and before u know it you guys are discussing the experience of sky diving, which you've both done, a fact you just found out.gotta go.Next.

we walk by hundreds of people everyday, have you guys ever wondered to stop and randomly talk to a stranger? see how many things you have in common? wonder whats the reason behind the smile on their faces?

a person doesnt have to be gorgeous to be intriguing, what gets to you?

for me , a great smile can kill me.

write it out

2010-09-24T17:26:00.003-04:00

i need to write. i am stressed.

i need to feel something besides this anxiety for my test. i need to do something besides studying.

i want to do something thats more eventful than going out to the bars! i need a break.

i want to cry. i want my family. i want my brother here. i want to not feel lonely. i want to finish my homework. i want to make changes. i want this bar to disappear. i want racism in my university to end. i want an end to the prejudice. i want to be happy. i want my friends to be happy.

can i have some grown ups around me? i want ppl who are liberal yet have morals.

i want love. love me?

i want to stop complaining. im done complaining. im going to go back to my studies now.

goodbye.

impending doom!

2010-09-21T22:28:00.001-04:00

LSAT 18 DAYS! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

missing me ?

2010-09-07T13:06:00.003-04:00

start of my second week of my last semester!
schools been pretty chill so far but my workload is already piling up!
am sitting in a cafe now working on my LSAT practice. i met someone lately and she's really cool. we've been hanging out a bit, and something about her just draws me to her. she just got out of a really long relationship a few months ago, and knowing how its so disastrous to go into a new one that soon, we're going to take it slow. i was mulling over how i was going to approach this for those of you who know my situation, but a fortune cookie over chinese food helped me clear up any qualms i had. it read ' just be yourself'. and thats exactly what im going to do.

It is nice to be back here in school but i do miss my friends who have graduated or moved away. you really see how time just keeps on going even without you.like the saying, time and tide wait for no man. this past weekend a few of us went to the minnesota state fair. there were at least a 100 000 people there. pretty crazy huh?
i won 2 toys at the game section! wooo hooo!

well thats it from me now. hope youre all doing good. i found a grad school that i really like and i will talk about it more in the next post. back to the books!:)

lots of love,
daven

p.s-random fact, i dont ever get hangovers anymore! its so bizzare!

A scare to Remind you of Life.

2010-08-29T20:20:00.004-04:00

This has been a great week. Meeting the new international students, connecting with old friends and basking in the gorgeous days that we have been blessed with this week. welcomed the international students with a party friday night that went very well! so well that i do not remember most of the night. i went to bed at 5 in the morning. yes i admit this is a problem but im still young so its okay :)

yesterday, took a bunch of international students cliff jumping out at a park nearby. It was loads of fun except for the fact that i couldnt convince myself to jump as well much to the tease of my friends! at night,pre-drinks were at my place. there ended up being more people than i expected but it was a blast nonetheless. we played some American card games like Circle of Death, smoked some Shisha, jammed out to music and had a mini dance party before heading out to the bars where the partying continued well into the night.. after party was at my place too! i went to bed at 6. :)

Today after 4 hours of sleep i was up and getting ready to go out again with my new friends to Big Falls, a real neat waterfall area bout 15 minutes away. got a couple of floats, and all 23 of us set out for a day out in the sun, swimming, floating~~ pure bliss. But then someone had the idea of climbing up the waterfall which a few of us did. At the top we got in and played close to the edge.One of the girls in our group got in and she was swimming against the current. All of a sudden, she was drifting away and i extended my arm to pull her in, but i got pulled in with her. The current carried us down the stream,slamming us into rocks and such. My vision was a blur with the force of the water and i tried grabbing on to whatever i could reach. Found a rock but the current was too strong and i was pulled right back in. For a few seconds i went under, totally submerged in the water. I saw my friend struggling as i was, both of us unable to control anything- totally at the mercy of the water. At the very edge of the fall , right before the drop, i was slammed into a rock which i held on for dear life. i managed to get a good grip while my other friends came running to help. My other friend was also safe as she was swept away to the side onto some other rock that she managed to grab on to. We came back down the falls, my legs quivering and from the bottom we saw a tree branch sticking across the fall with loads of sharp rocks at the base of the fall too. Anything could have happened.

Ahhhhh! what a crazy incident. I laid down in the sand drinking a beer thankful that i was still alive. just as i am thankful that i am able to still write this post while waiting for my chicken curry thats boiling in the kitchen. thankful that i got the recipe from my mum 5 minutes before i started cooking. ah what a glorious day to be alive.

Almost Gone,
Daven :)

things that makes us unique :P

2010-08-17T19:03:00.002-04:00

i'm getting a hair cut in half an hour and i am freaking out! haha
i'm actually looking forward to tryin this new hairdo.
it was very rihanna inspired!
even beckham has jumped on that bandwagon! ahhh i really hope it turns out good. will be back with pictures.. unless it looks horrible in which case, i will get it buzzed off right away! haha

a new look!

2010-08-16T21:07:00.002-04:00

YaY! i was playing around blogger today and found this cool design functions that are so easy to customize and ended up creating a whole new look to the blog!
i like it! thumbs up if you do! :)

promise more updates in store. i still have to talk about my harvard experience.
anddddd im buying a CAR! i know i know! i've been harping on this for about half a year now. but for real though, in a week i will be driving around town in my very own car! woooots!

the meaning of dreams

2010-08-11T09:10:00.005-04:00

i had a dream the other night. The kind of dream that makes you slap yourself twice to believe that youre awake. It was a dream about the present time. For some reason, I had offered myself into a state of depression and demanded to go see a shrink. It felt as if all the bones that i had been hiding were back clubbing at me. The dream ended with me waking up of course but i have no recollection how it resolved within my sleep.
I keep wondering if there are meanings to dreams. some subconscious premonition of the near future or just the culmination of random thoughts throughout a day,pieced together in a weird web of ...dreams.
Whatever if is, i was slightly bothered by the dream but i brushed it off in search of more fun in the streets of Boston.
Is there a certain link between dreams that we have?

p.s - readership of the blog is coming from all over. awesome. i wonder if it was something in particular. well my eyes keeps shutting as i type this post. so im going to end.
later folks

a day to myself

2010-08-01T14:37:00.003-04:00

i argued with a friend the other day about being rich. he assumed that power changes people and all rich people lose themselves in the power trip. i disagreed as i've seen otherwise. if you were brought up to be humble about your blessings, and to value your morals, i dont think it is easy to compromise who you are.
It actually turned out to be quite the heated argument, with neither of us budging from where we stood. i just let it stand.

then a few days later here i am blogging this, i guess i can see where the stereotype that rich people are way over themselves, come from. Being at Harvard together with my friends from last summer, we immediately noted the alleviated level of 'richness' of the poeple here. people seemed a bit more.. proud. I figured that it just comes with the school and its prestige, that people who naturally can afford it surely come from a wealthy backfround and its not fair to hold it against them. So i thought nothing of it. but now 6 weeks later, i'm so tired of my surroundings. I could sit somewhere and the conversations i hear around me are so superficial - about who's hot and who's not, over and over and over again. We go out to clubs and the money just flow like water. You travel and the cars are Porches or Mustangs..convertibles too. hotels are nothing short of suites. Most people are so spoilt that it sickens me. Its too homogenous here, i need to be with more normal people. people who are humble about who they are.

It's so unfair that so many poeple are trapped within the cycle of poverty and then you see these kids, rich as rich can be... but so spoilt. Im so grateful to my parents for raising me differently. I'm done with Summer School.

thou shalt eat the herb of the field,” Genesis 3:18.

2010-07-26T07:54:00.002-04:00

thou shalt eat the herb of the field,” Genesis 3:18.

my younger brother posted this as his status on facebook so i decided to reply and the following ensued. ever since heading to new zealand he has developed this really weird way of talking and ive been trying to figure him out. this was i think by far the first time i've ever intellectually debated him.

Daven Raj :ama ena herb herb la pesere.. i'll come and smack some herb into your head. go get your visa stuff settled first.

Brother: come then.one ov a kind fella."
research wot i think.u appose to b th smart one black cat. http://www.jah.com/!!!
sad fella.u dnt knw the truth.jah bless ma brada
(A)

Daven Raj: are u for real? haha.. now i see where u picked up the lingo from. tryin to sound jahmaikan eh? and if youre telling me that the herb leads u to spiritual enlightenment hahaha what a load of crap.

Brother: aRG! fckabitch bullshitr up in harvard tellin me my beliefs r a load ov crap.i aint tryna sound jamaikan!ballhead kunt u heard me talk on skype how many tyms!:@ man. rastafari is the one.know wot im talking abowt.reality. ma brada.read the info on mi facebook u krackhead!

Daven Raj: haha read what i wrote smartass..i aint saying that your belief is a load of crap. im sayin that smokin pot to find enlightenement is a load of crap. it makes u goony. nuff said. and what your info says does not correlate with what we're talking about at all..selective reading is what its about, if you whole heartedly belief in something, it blinds you to whats real. ANnnnnnd its not how jah sound on da skype mi bradah, its how jah type on dah facebook that sounds jahmaikan mah bradah! for real.

Brother:
Ur full ov it.it aint goony.it was used as medication.th bush doctors.until today,cancer patients smoke up.bob marley ,a great revolutionary.smokes ub ta write his music.& thru his music he rebel'd againts th system.great ppl like marcus ga......rvey.damn .even ur lord shiva was a ganja man himself.do u know wot reality means?.ppl are afraid of reality thts wot i can say.our real paradise is the afta life.when we face the holy trinity.wot fear do i have when i know where im gonna be.
th herb is mentiond in th bible.the qoran.
speaks abowt ethiopea .th land of tht was given to us by his majesty jah rastafari.Haile Selassie kings of kings.lord of th lords.conquerin lion ov th tribe of judah.he was the 2nd coming.
reality is a strong word ma bro.ppl dont gotta go thru universities ta b smart n educated.on wot they teach you.the system brainwashes the people tells u the wrong facts ta discourage people from smoking marijuana .man learn abowt rastafari then u tell me that smokin gunjah is wrong.there aint not one case of death causd by canabis.it aint addictive.& its jst a ga damnn plant!ul c.it'l make a change ta legalize canabis.fo shua.get with it nigga

Daven Raj:
ha! i've had debates and heard lectures about the wonders of marijuana. dont need u to repeat it for me. but i've also had the unfortunate luck of rooming(twice) with dealers in the dorms and in both cases.. they spent their days lingering ...in their own sad world. the word addiction in and of itself means the dependance on something without which normalcy cannot be assumed, and while marijuana is not addictive, the act of smoking marijuana is, so your claim is false and misguiding.And addiction to smoking it up was what started the downfall of two seemingly bright people. one in his efforts of escaping depression, the other in his efforts to fit in. either way the addiction destroyed them. and if seeing them space out, speaking with a slur is aspirational, then all hail your belief. haha my experience teaches me otherwise because the reality is EXACTLY what my roommates were escaping from.
weed makes one complacent in life. as they became floaters witout any will as were the case of my roommates. and so it maybe that history( the few examples that you have pointed out) has shown that great inspiration comes from smoking, what about the thousands of other GREATs who didnt rely on marijuana to carry out greatness and revolutionize the world. ha you dont need reliance to drive you to go against the institution. though i have to commend you on being able to see the bigger picture that you are able to see where u are whn life ends, i cannot help but hold to my convictions that reality is the present and now and sadly, your perceived reality is in the unknown future.. not just mortal future but the after life.
p.s- the lord shiva is not my god. hold off on the assumption.
p.s- religion is not evil.the institution that houses religion is. so if by institutions brainwashing you are alluding to the fact that the institution of which you are being preached is braiinwashing you as 'mine' is, then sure.
also haha aint it true that those who support marijuana are brainwashing people to believe in the goodness of it as the non supporters are brainwashing people to believe otherwise.? there's always two sides to a story. then wont u say this religion is brainwashing you to believe in marijuana? that is what i mean by being blinded by religion and millions of ppl are blinded by religion. lol by no means am i saying my tohughts are superior but consciousness should be what dictates your actions and thoughts- not any qoran, or bible.
finally.. you aint a nigga so dont use that word.
i have to finish an assignment now.. haha
take care lil brother.

you can be black or white.or a mix.

2010-07-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

a few pics from the black and white party!

in truth we learn

2010-07-21T13:46:00.002-04:00

its been over a month that ive been here at harvard! and i am not looking to leave yet. this has truly been the experience that i was craving for. i love summer for this reason.

the wealth of knowledge and the range of diversity of the people here has truly been for me, a blessing. there really is no doubt that we need diversity in our lives and nothing reinforces this notion than actually experiencing it. I have been helping a friend out with her engish. We'd get together almost every other day and discuss topics ranging from feminism to the rise of a nation, travelling to occupation. I've also been trying to learn turkish. merhaba everyone!
some of my friends think its reay nice of me to help her out but honesty it has been mutually beneficial. in teaching, you learn. I sent her a poem from sojourner truth entitled 'aint i a woman' to read and our conversation so easily went beyond the hour mark. we discussed health, education,social reforms..and its surprising some of the things ive learned. i mean who would've thought that turkey is far more advanced in the aspect of equal rights than the US. i had likened turkey to the same conditions of the middle east. its real neat , the exchange of knowledge between our countries.

Well im sitting here in starbucks reading up on class, so i should not detract too much and get back to studying. Gule Gule( bye bye ) everyone!

yikes

2010-07-16T21:38:00.002-04:00

So i just found out my roommate has Asperger's Syndrome. i feel bad now for making fun of the way he spoke! i thought it was just a southern thing! i guess we all learn humility and im biting my tongue now for jumping into such conclusions of him being weird.
I googled 'interacting with someone who has asperger's' and found some really neat facts like how you should never make a promise to someone with aspergers and then go agasint your word, or approach them very suddenly- it has to be subtle, especially when making friends. i now also regret not making it to a forum about aspergers at my university in Wisconsin . The author of 'look me in the eye', a book on his experience of growing up with aspergers, was the speaker at the forum.

Im going to try and be more of a friend to my roommate now :)

note to self:Daven, dont judge! you know better!

birthday party!

2010-07-16T20:22:00.003-04:00

friend's birthday party tonight!

black and white themed! there's gonne be massive amounts of people and copious flow of drinks! i am beyond excited to start the party!

one thing i've learned recently is, in life, you can sometimes really do without some people being in it. its when you make acquaintance with someone and then realize its an unwise decision.. just let it go. They always say that we hurt the most when those closest to us hurt us. dont let those that arent get to us.

okay got to go get myself sexed up!

inside the dining hall here!

a moment has gone by

2010-07-12T10:34:00.003-04:00

we all grow up,
as sitting together with the brothers watching a disney movie becomes a memory laden with the background music of popeye the sailor man.
leaving the carefree days of childhood innocence and of thinking your parents are the most perfect people in the world.
we wonder whats come of our friends from primary school days.
who they've grown into; married and had children to?
we remember the tears we shed when our first grandparent died, or if not, the first death experienced,
and of our parents explaining how all life has to eventually come to an end.
you cry some more thinking of losing more family, wishing life was immortal.
the first death always brings with it, this eternal fear of death.

now you look at where you stand?
who's around you? do you see your youngself in the eyes of your kids?
surely you've experienced the pang of goodbyes, of heartaches,
experienced the brutality of society..even family,
as people grow into the persons they are today and lifes many dissenting opinions bare down on us.
have you ever wondered what happened to all those years in between? a decade has gone by. maybe two. are u living off of just memories or are you building upon those that precede the present day?
they say blood is thicker than water, i dont know why they compare family to friends? my friends are like a thick mixture of syrup.
take a moment to remember the journey you've been on!

it was raining real heavily and in mere minutes, it slowed to a drizzle and now the sun is shining so bright. i love this weather! :)

anorexia

2010-07-09T02:42:00.008-04:00

I'd like to talk about something that has hit a sad chord in me tonight. Its the passing of a stranger that i had found out only after i had taken the initiative to befriend this person.

Jeremy Gillitzer was a male model who had been battling anorexia for more than half his life. I saw a video on him about a year ago on youtube but as with all youtube videos, it was just another click to pass my time.Today, i came upon the same video and found a link to his blog after googling him. He started the blog in 2006 in hopes of finding other males suffering from eating disorders and to document his days for a biography he intended to write. I found out that he lived in Minnesota which is about an hour and a half away from where i live.

Throughout his blog, scattered all over, was a simple wish for company from a man who seemed so resigned from life. Yet at the same time, you could tell that he had hope that he'd be able to beat what he had overcame before. I also happened on a post that he wrote seeking anyone, individuals or group who would want to invite him to speak on being a man who is anorexic and gay.

Working within the student government in my university, i know anythings a possibility and am pretty sure i'd be able to get him to come and get it funded as well. It would shed light on an issue that we never or seldom talk about : men's health. At the same time, i really wanted to get to know this person. I was intrigued and its one of those things where you know, its impact is going to be life-altering. and if not, at least i would have found a friend. I saw a link on the sidebar to his facebook page and clicked on it. I guess i wasnt suprised to see that we had a friend in common, the world is connected through facebook now.
So i wrote him a message and requested to be facebook friends.

For so many reasons, i was drawn to his story. reading his memoirs about being called fat all his childhood, about being a model, about being gay, about feeling like you can never get out of the dark hole. He truly did want to help others. It was only after i had sent him a message did i come across a comment somewhere that he died june 5th 2010, a mere month ago.

Sometimes i wonder if i would have ended up the same way. Traumatic experiences can sometimes trigger an imbalance in the brain. I am pretty sure i binged ate when i was a young kid and put on all the pounds only to be ridiculed to be fat all my teenage years. i was never depressed but had an internal inferiority complex. I remember once during my 17th or 18th birthday, a friend of my brothers asked my brother right in front of my face, why he was so cute and i was ugly? Then one day,i was sent away to study in a different state. I know how it started but i dont know if i had purposefully prolonged the happenings. I was too lazy to cook. I also hated being away from my then girlfriend. I would eat one meal a day at the university and one at home, usually something unhealthy. Then i started getting lazy to cook and would either eat both meals at the university or not even bother eating dinner. I'd sometimes eat only a meal a day, sometimes even forgetting to eat an entire day and i soon realized i was losing weight. and it felt good.

At this point I'd started to slowly feel good about myself, but no matter what i did i still felt fat. i would go home to visit and my housekeeper would say that im losing all my weight and gettin too skinny. i took that as a compliment. My parents started to get worried. About 3 months and i went from a 86 kg person to 70 kg. Never did i even hit the gym.
A mix of my parents wanting me back to put some meat on my bones and me wanting to pursue a career in law, i returned home. I wonder sometimes if without the intervention, would i have kept neglecting my body? I am pretty sure i have thought of throwing up but wonder if we all have. I remember feeling weak and getting woozy just by standing up after sitting down. i dont really know if it was a blessing or not, but with all the weight gone, people started noticing me, i modelled for a bit, girls started talking about me.Slowly, I started eating healthier and going to the gym. It made me feel good and everything else after that is as they say it.. history. i dont know if i really ever had an eating disorder, but i still do sometimes feel fat when i look in the mirror, not as before though. working out does make me feel better about myself. at least im doing it the healthy way.
Anyway i did not intend for this post to be a life story about me. It is too bad that we had to lose Jeremy in his life's battle. god bless your soul.
We are all beautiful in our own little ways.

brilliant governing

2010-07-05T18:36:00.003-04:00

im studying for the Law school admissions test now and am learning about contrapositives and formal logic, when i came upon these article on facebook (faceboook is assumed to be up 24/7) : click here
The government in its efforts to eradicate the problems and dangers associated with mat rempits have organized a 'racing' event that awards the slowest participant RM20 000.Mat Rempit is a Malaysian term for "an individual who participates in illegal street racing", usually involving underbone motorcycles.
What a load of garbage. Is the government really under the assumption that the rempits arent capable of thinking and that its in their genes to speed uncontrollably, terrorizing the streets? Do they honestly believe that people can be so easily influenced to give up these acts if they are rewarded a prize money for fooling the masses by going as slow as they possibly can, just once.

to apply a little of formal logic translations:
if the rempits dont win the prize money, then the government is brilliant.
its contrapositive is exactly what our government are. - reverse the terms and negate them.

its so easy to conclude that any one of the rempits who win the money will only put it to 'pimp' up their ride. way to be the official sponsors of dumbness.
this frustrates me that money is not being put to good use but rather on useless ideas such as this.

this is devastating

2010-07-03T12:16:00.002-04:00

this is devastating..
argentina's out.
defeated again by the germans. i am going to be forever against germany now. i cannot believe how its come to an end again with the same fate. the defence was all over the place.
well at least i can concentrate on my studies now. im done with this world cup.ive been cryin so long, my eyes and head hurts. going to take a nap then get to studying for the LSAT.
another dream crushed.
i'll be 26 next time the world cup plays. who knows where i'll be then. graduating law school hopefully. but for now, this is it.
:( its a sad day. the emotional attachment to football is unbelievable.

not again..

2010-06-28T00:02:00.002-04:00

Not Again.

Ignorance is not bliss.

I deserve to know.

All the things that's dear to me.

Dont conceal the truth.

Dont assume its for the better of my well being.

Tell me, how will you feel dear readers, if you find out your cousin was murdered a year after it happened, because your family felt it better to not worry you.?
This is the second of deaths by murder in my family.. both were cousins of mine.
Argentina beat MExico today and i thought nothing in the world would be able to ruin this happiness, i guess im wrong. im devastated.
good night everyone.

i have to tell you bout this one time..

2010-06-26T02:40:00.006-04:00

So its almost 3 in the morning and i just got home from the bars. But today has been such a feel good day that i have this urge to jot it down in here. (lies, i actually fell asleep writing this and am continuing the very next day)went out last night and got to bed only at 4 in the morning after some late night food adventure with friends.
watched the first game of the world cup.. and then suprise!- in my mailbox was a parcel containing the argentina jersey i ordered online! and i was gleaming with excitement as i tore open the package and saw the beautiful blue and white striped shirt. So, i used to take a lot of self pictures when i was a bit younger and i'd like to think i'd grown out of it, but after getting the jersey- first thing that came to mind was....FACEBOOK profile picture time! haha.. yes im that shallow~

i spent about 15 minutes taking pictures, unfortunately not finding anything inspirational or rather 'profile picture' worthy. :P
i then signed up for some harvard arranged activities that were scheduled for the weeks to come. Last night i also signed up for my LSAT prep classes at kaplan and im excited to start preparing to take the law school admission test! i managed to do a few miles today running by the river side in cambridge. it was a graciously sunny day!
The real fun began after dinner! met a few new people and somebody suggested a street party that we could all go too and so we did that. there were about 10 or more people in our group and we took the train and got to this awesome cool block party! the city of cambridge permitted a street party from 7- 11 and it was just flippin' amazing!! we danced soo much!

something else happened at the party. and its been something that had bothered me in the past.. in 2005 i remember being in a mall and then refusing help to these distraught couple looking for their child
i posted a link to the blog post i wrote in 2005 below.
story of lost kid click here,
So we were about to head out and there was a lil kid in front of me whom i taught was walking behind his mother. then all of a sudden he turns around.. looks up and around and realizes his mother is nowhere to be seen.. and picture hundreds of people spanning over two blocks leaving the party, all headed in various directions.this time i made a difference. i walked with the kid to two polic officers who were close by and made sure he was safe and that they'd get him to his mum. It may not cancel out what i did in the past but i do feel like this time i stepped up and did the right thing. totally hit a warm spot in my heart.

the girls and guys that i was with want me to give them dance lessons, saying theyd even pay me.. lol.. but i offered free lessons. We went out to the bars later and i paid a cover of 5$ but found a 20$ bill in the ATM!!
yes yes.. all in all, it was a pretty great night! and meeting ppl is always fun!!
thats my story for today!
tomorrow ARGENTINA plays MEXICO.. if we lose, im probably not going to be accessible to anyone over the next week. if we win! BOYYY better be ready to hear more from me!

another harvard post

2010-06-24T02:06:00.001-04:00

the building at the back is the dining hall where we have all our meals! let me tell you a few stories from this historic harvardland!!
Its been a great few days! I got in that one friday and spent the night at the airport again. Saturday morning i headed to campus and spent hours walking back and forth from one end to the other. Did not really have a chance to explore, but it was fantastic to see some of my friends from UC- Berkeley a year later! The realization that i'm actually enrolled albeit for the summer, at one of the most prestigious university in the World, struck me as i was handed my ID card that said HARVARD STUDENT on the cover.. with a rather charming photo of yours truly displayed. :)

For a few hours, i actually got distracted by something other than the World Cup, but i was sucked right back in. Back to being in Harvard though, I got into my room and there were all these goodies for keep which added to the 'awesome' factor!
Saturday and Sunday was orientation and registration so i was really worn out by all the things that needed to be taken care of! i also had to get TWO INJECTIONS! i have a deathly fear of needles..well not really. but im terribly afraid of the needle piercing through my skin. ( yes despite the countless piercings) met my roommates; i have 4 of them. One is from China, London( Korean originally), India and W. Virginia.It's a suite styled apartment and so there are two floors. The upstairs has 4 bedroom and the bathroom and its my room and the living room on the lower floor. I obviously was assigned the biggest room! SCORE!! woooot. The buildings here are all built out of bricks, like in the Harry Potter movies reflecting the contemporary design of the times they were built. So if a building looks old, it IS old.

i went on a Harvard tour with a group of friends and learned some pretty cool stuff, like how the big gates that lead into Harvard University are only travelled through twice by students, once when they walk in as incoming freshmen and the second time while they are walking out after graduation.Its a tradition here that dates back decades ago! many opt to take the smaller gates all around.
the Widener Library ( i think thats what its called) is either the 2nd largest library in the world or the US second only to the Congress( which in all unfairness has a reprint of every document it houses) the library was built in memorium of a kid who travelled to europe after graduating from harvard in search of treasured books to bring back to the library.. he took the fastest way back to America at that time on April of 1912... the Titanic.. yes but the tragedy does not just end there.apparently, poor guy was already on a life boat but forgot his books in his cabin, got out of his boat and never made it back on.. he perished with the Titanic ..sad..

His mother, who must have lost a few screws in her head after that, in distraught, donated more than half her fortune to the establishment of the library with a few stipulations : 1) that no brick is to be added/removed to the building, 2) that the name of the library remained the same throughout time and 3 ) wait for it....... made it a requirement that in order to graduate, each student needed to swim 50 meters... yes she either thought that the atlantic was only 50 meters or that her son did not die of all that hypothermia nonsence.. haha but yes this tradition was carried on for years until the disability act of 1997 if im not mistaken, ruled it out! haha... weird eh??
then.. they have this statue called the john harvard statue..which apparently isnt even of john harvard.. but thats another story.. there is a tradition here that ppl come and rub the golden shoe of the statue for luck. many come all over to kiss it, touch it. carress it.. but there is also a sick tradition played by seniors of this university... they call ig going to the John at the John.. hahaha...
yesterday was my first day of class and boy was it intimidating. the professor seemed more than encouraging in trying to get students to drop the class. out of nowhere she pulls out a law case and makes us all brief it, sayin she would send us all e-mails to let us know if we arent fit for the class.. to which she then says.. no pressure!! :S
but i did not receive an e-mail :) :) pheww... its just the beginning but im already loving it here. being around students who go here, speaking to many with such high ambitions, really has me craving for so much more. it is inspiring and highly motivating! and the class itself, seems so beneficial in sharpening my analytical skills. and the gym is free of charge!!
well there you have it folks.. tales from the city of cambridge, massachusets.
It's day 5 now and things seem to be going smoothly!!

can i be happy!!

2010-06-21T14:42:00.003-04:00

im here
im here
im here!!!
Finally!! and at last my internet connection has been set up!
expect a post soon folks!!
got to head to my first class now.. legal writing!
omg im at Harvard!!

a tribute to the mighty argentina

2010-06-18T04:50:00.003-04:00

quite recent pic:vampire party
Readership for the blog has increased lately :) and from different parts of the world too. That's stellar news!

So lately, i've been real busy with updating my Facebook status everyday from 6 am till 3 pm on the going ons of the FIFA World Cup , much to the delight and annoyance of friends! Some of the comments i've gotten have been rather amusing from friends saying they feel like they're watching the games themselves from all my updates! But yes, i've truly devoted my mornings to the World Cup. 4 years ago, i was 18 and i remember staying up till 3 in the morning to catch some of the matches live. There is NOTHING like watching a game live on tv..all the emotions are soo raw and genuine! well i guess being at the stadium would be a million times more superb but i'll deal with what i get. If there's nothing nice at all that i can say about my time in the US, at least now i can relish in the fact that all the games are in the mornings/afternoon.. and it is simply AMAAAAZING! waking up to my favorite team in the world argentina scoring a 4 goal upset against their rivals sure as heaven* brightens my day and gets me going.....with my facebook status updates! haha.. i suppose if blogging was as mindless as facebooking i would 'get on it' in no time :P but i do put some thoughts into what i blog.. well sometimes. Anyways, i went into a soccer store here in Eau Claire today..and my eyes darted across the room to the Argentina merchandise section as i rather desperately was longing for a jersey since i left all of mine back home. here i was in the midst of all the argentine goodness when i realized they did not have any jerseys in my size! devastated i settled for a t-shirt that said argentina World Cup 2010.. pfft some people are so easy to be manipulated by greedy profit-motivated business owners looking to make a quick buck out of anything thats 'in'. YES, myself included.. sad day.. haha but alas, i have a shirt to wear now everytime argentina plays!

Given the opportunity i could go on forever typing up a blog entry on why argentina is the best and how i cant wait to see them in the finals but im going to let them prove it themselves on the field.

Now on to other matters, i leave for Boston tomorrow. My Summer travels/education this time takes me out to the East Coast where i'll be attending a 7 week summer course in Legal Writing at the prestigious Harvard University! I decided rather late this year that i would like to do something similar to last year at UC-Berkeley, mostly because of my very persuasive friends that i met last summer whom are doing the same thing.. again, I dont think it was hard at all to convince me ( see argentina merchandise above) , but anyways i pitched the idea to my parents, if they said no, at least i tried asking. but they were behind me all the way and in a matter of weeks came up with the money to help me realize this crazy idea of mine. i owe my parents everything for being so amazing to me. So yes , i take to the skies in a few hours actually ...and in very Daven-fashion, i've still yet to pack..and its 3.40 in the a.m. haha.. in 2 hours im supposed to be up and at a friend's house to watch the germany game... :)

So in order to be a lil more productive,i am going to sign off this time with promises of more updates while im out at Boston! :) much love!

the kid who went over the seas.

dang i got buff, now im fat again:(

a weird coincidence

2010-06-06T17:48:00.004-04:00

Being somewhat of a realist, growing up it was hard for me to buy into all the religious teachings with stories of flying gods, miracle births, eternal life, etc. I've however managed to get by most of my life adhering to the Hindu religion where i put my hands together and close my eyes and speak to whoever is listening up there.
My parents have been superb in exposing me to the many religions of the world and gave my brothers and i the option of pursuing what appealed to us most as they're firm believers that all religions preach good.

i guess I've just kinda coasted by not really exploring my spiritual side of life. then America happened and it seemed like I'm thrown into a place where you have to be defined by something. in a country where its overwhelmingly Christians, I've often felt the need to defend Hinduism- even though I'm not a strong devout. religion became something that i detested talking about because of the perceived superiority of the christian belief here.

long story short, though i understand that religion and spirituality are different, each cant stand in and of its own. To be religious you have to be spiritual and to be spiritual you have to be open to the idea of a larger reality. while dating my ex, religion was possibly a big reason why we grew apart. a mutual friend of ours later encouraged me to go down my spiritual path. at first i took it as a joke, sure I'll listen to her as she helped me connect with my 'guides', but as she went on, i cannot help but become so fully engaged in what she had to say.

miraculously, things just started adding up on some mystifying level. I wont go into too much detail but she told me that there were more than one guide and that i possessed such an incredible light. then she told me that the name started with a K and that she didn't know a whole lot about the Hindu religion but it might be a manifestation of two beings.Then she said that she's worn out by the power of my guide trying to get to me through her..(again this conversation has gone on for about 3 hours now and i was still skeptical). She then told me that i needed to meditate so i can engage with my guide on my own. after that conversation, from nowhere i pulled out the name RadhaKrishna ..i have no idea why or how...i just felt so drawn to it and decided to google it. i saw a short meditation chant and proceeded to read it. i kid you not, i felt my body freeze up, chills run down my spine, i was shivering and then i started to see this light between my eyes and feel warm..and i freaked out. like legitimately just stopped whatever it was i was doing and never really did anything with it after. story number 1.

i was talking to my dad not long after about something completely unrelated and he insisted that i start meditating. he just randomly brought that up. and i was soo intrigued and surprised as i havent even told my parents the story from before. story number 2.

about a month or so ago, i was out with some friends. one of whom is a tarrot card reader. we had a couple of glasses of wine and before we decided to head out and party, someone suggested getting our cards read. so as we picked our cards, we were told to think of a question that we want answered. i cannot remember the cards i picked but there was something about divine, and protected..and my friend looked at me and said.., 'forget about the question, do you meditate?'. i almost PISSED my pants. and then proceeded to repeat the same things i heard 2 months earlier- this light, energy, that i need to first realize before i do anything else.

coincidences? 3 separate sources, no one knowing the other was enough to freak the hell out of me. she got so angry that i hadnt done what so many people were telling me to do.
i kinda made it a goal to try and meditate this summer. its been about 3 weeks and just earlier today i decided to give it another go. i put on some radhakrishna devotional music, closed my eyes....and for some reason..started to cry. teardrops just rolling down my face. i saw the light again, and this feeling of content came over me, and the muscles in my face formed a smile on my face. i felt like i had no control of my emotions. now i feel so calm.

oh my gawd. whats happening here?
im blogging this right when im done meditating.

.......

2010-06-06T13:36:00.003-04:00

the things we never talk about.

i remember hands, so cold to the touch,
its long scaly fingers carresing my face..
i remember the blue light,..then the nothingness..
i wake up and all i feel is emptiness,
how did i get here...

i hear a voice..its so very distant,
i strain but all i hear is a faint whisper... SPEAK UP!
this creature that appears in my dreams ...
the same recurring dream the same light,same hands...
but i dont remember..everything after.

i lie, i remember the vivid details..
the hands at the back of my head,
the movie that was playin in the background,
the taste left in my mouth.
the words... i love you ,oh how i love you so.
but why me....

now i want normal..
but its too late,
im spiralling down this foreign land.
i long for the twisted words, the gripping hands,
the confused lil child i once was.
my mind is unwell... is it my fault now?
that i had felt the rings of assauilt.
is it my fault now that for so many years,
i trusted, and was made toy.
what if i remember more?
what if there were more than one?
what..tell me what, have i done.....?

say whattttt

2010-05-30T16:50:00.002-04:00

seem to be very short tempered lately. i just get filled with anger whenever somebody brings up religion and/or ethnicity and are being insensitive about it and haha often fueled by alcohol, i just snap back.
its so easy for people to be oblivious to the fact that they're being insensitive. whatever, i find the easiest thing for me to do after is to just walk away and calm down. much better than drunk confrontations.

anyways, finally i feel like things are falling into place for me! found a HOME! my roommate and i were deciding on who gets the bigger room and i was like lets leave it to fate and flip a coin.. fate WAS on my side!! woots

i feel like i can finally relax as this burden has been lifted off my shoulders. i've started my summer reading list with a jeffrey eugenides book: Middlesex and its been real interesting! application for harvard is going to be due soon and im working on it still. still waiting on mum to send me the money for my car!
was gonna go to NY but the expense is way too much for my liking and decided on the cheaper chicago first.

okay thats all i have for now. just wanted to update the fact that I AM NOT HOMELESS ANYMORE!!!

diary of a homeless person

2010-05-27T20:39:00.003-04:00

diary of a homeless student

school's ended. summer's here and i am currently, homeless. said goodbye to another batch of friends. feels weird because next time a graduation comes along, it will be my turn to walk. and i'd be the one leaving and saying goodbye. kinda sad, this has been such a great run- my undergraduate degree life, but i cant wait because im getting the greatest gift i can wish for as my graduation present- My family is flying over!!
anyways the grad parties were great! the cleaning of the house SUCKED! and then tuesday came rolling around and...i had till noon to move out. a word of advise- dont start looking for a place to rent a week before your lease ends! my friend brit offered to put me up for a few days! yay pure bliss!
so ive actually been stayin here 3 nights now. and home searching has not been successful. i've seen countless of houses but they somehow all have some faults in them (actually i think its cause my roommate and i can never agree on one place! haha)
so whilst apartment searching i've actually come to the realization that i can actually get by this entire summer not paying rent and crashing at a bunch of my friends' homes. lol its endearing to have friends offer me their place without any hesitation. carlos, my fellow dance instructor and one of my closest friends here said that i could crash at his place till july as they have an extra room. and technically after that i'll be leaving to go study in either yale or harvard and will only return after august! then.. school starts!! haha.. but i cannot impose that way. the new lease starts on the 1st of June. my roommate and i are still setting up showings to see potential homes, but i think our list of requirements are slowly dissipating as desperation sets in. this sorta feels like couch surfing . which if i've not told you guys yet of my experience couch surfing.. OH MAN!! its great! it should be one of the things that needs to be on every one's bucket list, especially as college students/young professionals.
whilst this post is entitled diary of a homeless person, i realize that im not really homeless so this entire post really doesnt hold any intended significance. well if there's one thing i've taken out of this : a ) have lots of friends..and be a good friend back.
b) i have incredible friends! who are always there at my lowest!
c) summer is incredible!!!
love you guys! hope you're enjoying your day wherever you are!!

yay!!

2010-05-20T03:59:00.002-04:00

oh quick update!
yay got grades for 2 classes back = both A's!!

i write poems?

2010-05-20T03:31:00.002-04:00

every now and then i get this insatiale artistic urge that can only be satisfied through writing and so i wrote a poem even though i know i should be studying. last final in a few hours :)
i dont really have a title to this piece.. so im going to name it..

ode to goodbye
to those of you who've come and gone,
shall i take a moment to remember thee?
for all that we used to be.
for all that makes each unique.

when the ides of May come each year,
i've tried so many remedies;
start my own adventures, refuse the farewells, drank the night away...
to forget the inevitability.. of all you leaving me.
but no matter what i do,
i cant seem to escape,
i still think of the laughters,
the good times shared.
the day we met.

for so many
the family you've came to be,
is this it?
will you remember me..
as i remember thee?

looking ahead

2010-05-19T17:32:00.004-04:00

Looking Ahead!
will be back soon readers!
one more final and im free~ summer break starts!
real quick.. here's whats going down the next few days.
get done with finals on thursday, possibly purchasing a car on friday- but def in the next few days.grad parties- countless of them!,road trip to new york, calling my parents to see if i can possibly do a summer school in yale in either one of this two classes -philosophy of law or crime and justice. MOVING! arrrghhh i hate packing and unpacking!.. now back to the books!

does anybody know how do i include a comment box in here?

bla bla bla

2010-05-15T17:02:00.005-04:00

It's disconcerting when one of your closer friends starts flirting with your ex. i always thought that there are certain things within the realm of friendship and dating that are generally understood by all. the unspoken rules, if i may.
Whilst i try and live by the ' you just dont date your friend's ex' rule, i can still understand the merits of two people falling in love regardless of how they know of each other. However, here are some things that irk me:

1 ) i will not date my best friend's ex. - a best friend is someone you confide in, and trust with your fears and dirty secrets.there is that deeper level of understanding that goes with it than to just regular friends.

2) flirting with your best friend's ex- If you're not helplessly in love and simply just want to flirt with someone- you NEVER pick your best friend's ex. What's worse though is if your best friend is right there and you get all touchy feely with the ex.

3) the surprise anal attack- however again, as i said before you cant help who you fall for. Even if you realize all of a sudden you develop this deep attraction to your best friend's ex, the best thing to do is tell your best friend. something as facile as ' hey so, youre no longer dating this person and i think *ex* is kinda cute, you mind?' .. im probably gonna say i dont even though i prolly do, but i'll get over it and everythings good in the end. But when we're out at a bar or a party and i see your hands all over my ex.....dude 'WTF?!'..its like somebody sticking a 15 inch hard object up your butthole when you werent looking.

and if you think its because your best friend isnt over their ex, (changes circumstantially) you are wrong. its the betrayal of trust. simple, just dont do it.

its the most wonderful time.. of the year!

2010-05-14T22:58:00.003-04:00

Exam Week!!
countless hours in the library with tons of coffee and attempting hard to be studious. so far ... pretty successful! haha
be back in a weeks time folks.
wish me luck!
lots of love,
daven.

a letter to the student body

2010-05-07T21:33:00.002-04:00

I wrote the following letter to be published in our college's student run publication and the college weekly newspaper. it was in response to an incident at a local bar that included racial slurs.
Just wanted to share it with all of you.

Lending a Voice
My name is Daven Raj. I am an international student from Malaysia. I currently chair the Association of International Students and the Student Life and Diverity Commission of Student Senate besides having had served/serving on various other committees and organizations within the university (Chancellors Diversity Advisory Committee, Peer Diversity Educators, Resident Assistant, etc.) all sharing the same purpose of making the university become a more inclusive and welcoming place. I write to you today assuming none of the above roles but as a fellow student - one enraged by an incident that is downright appalling and perverse to the goals of the institution in creating a safe and inclusive environment.

When I first came to UWEC and was exposed to the bar life here, The Pickle had the infamous reputation of being the ‘dirty- STD breeding ground filled with promiscuous whores and sex-crazed men.’ If you needed a one-night-stand, The Pickle was the place to go. Now interestingly, almost all students have this longing desire to frequent the place. Besides the free-sex, the appeal of spinning a wheel on your birthday, a one-of-a-kind innovation that is unique to this small town of Eau Claire, is simply irresistible. I spun the wheel too!

Now picture this: You – a Christian, white, American, college student (pretty much just described 94% of this school) are given the opportunity to go and study abroad. You feel so much excitement and joy of going abroad and of immersing yourself in a completely foreign culture as well as meeting new people. However, the prolonged period of not seeing the faces of your family members and friends can be agonizing. You are constantly trying to build a home away from home and one night, a few friends invite you out to the bars with them. You enter and immediately realize you’re among the only white person there, but still you have a good time. Then somebody gets on stage and starts condemning America. The crowd starts cheering at the insults. The person over the microphone proceeds to chant, ‘Fuck the Christians, FUCK the Christians!’ The crowds’ cheers get louder and louder. You are there and you feel hurt and disrespected, but what can you do? There is nothing that you want more than to just leave and go home. Nothing.

Free speech is one thing, and being a human being is another. The manager of The Pickle got on stage condemning Muslims, saying the previously mentioned phrase, except about Muslims instead of about Christians. It sickens me that the crowd cheered. I do not need to be a Muslim to feel the prejudice and insensitivity. I have Muslim friends and I come from an Islamic country. I may not be a Muslim myself, but I am a human being and I respect the right to be free to practice any religion. Our university is constantly trying to raise awareness on diversity and to fight racism. It’s revolting to know that an all day event filled with booze and prizes, attracting hundreds, can so easily destroy all these initiatives set forth by our university. We need to hold our community responsible, the same way we hold our institution responsible to creating a safe environment.

A letter was sent out to The Pickle exactly 3 weeks ago calling for actions including sensitivity training of the management team and a statement of apology from the manager himself. However this letter went ignored. Now like all other solutions to major problems and fittingly the most effective – the killing stops when the buying stops too. We need to take a stand in dealing with places or people that show blatant disrespect, completely disregarding the learning environment. This is a bar that just two years ago caused another outrage bringing Girls Gone Wild into the community. We shouldn’t support places that discriminate and display such obscene behavior. It is about time we take a stand against discrimination like this and show how important it is to us as students to be able to be in a safe, respectful, and inclusive environment. I ask you all to stand up for yourself, as well as every other UWEC Student to show that we will not tolerate this kind of behavior from anyone in our community. For that reason, I will not be setting foot in The Pickle again until the manager publicly apologizes for his disrespectful and discriminatory words that night, and I urge you all to do the same.

inclusive excellence award

2010-05-07T01:54:00.003-04:00

i had a friend record this video for my family back home and figured i'll just post it here.
the award came with a little scholarship and certificate and a beautiful gift too.
haappy days

the day my world will end

2010-05-05T20:27:00.004-04:00

A Withered Rose
i hope its okay that i do this. this was a comment from a friend's facebook status. a fellow international student about a week ago.

Rest In Peace, my beloved Sister. I cannot imagine going back home, and I couldn't find you there. House would not be a home for me without you there. I will not find anyone there to listen to my story during being far away from home.

i cried reading this, the constant fear i live in- praying nothing will ever happen to my little brother being so far away from home. On several occasions i have woken up from nightmares crying because i had just seen him get in an accident, murdered..the worst possible scenarios; and i cry and cry that i cant just walk over to his room to make sure everythings okay. My world will collapse if that ever happens.

2 and a half years away from home sometimes just feels a lil much. my condolences go to my friend and his family. :(

what keeps me going.

2010-05-05T19:49:00.002-04:00

It's the little things that matter.
I saw that one of the other international students is receiving an award at the leadership award ceremony tomorrow night.The Excellence in Global Awareness Award is presented to one student who has demonstrated a commitment to learning about multicultural perspectives and his or her role as a citizen in a connected world.
I offered my congratulations to her via facebook chat and all of a sudden she says this-

Felicity: you know what ? you set up a great example to all international students. want to follow you.

i.am.blessed.
to know that even one person would look up to me as a role model and aspire to do similar things.

god.darn.it
doesnt take a lot to get me all emotional.

i ran

2010-05-04T16:52:00.003-04:00

RUNNING
i ran and ran and ran like a motherf**ker but it still felt like forever to go. this past sunday, i ran my first half marathon which is equivalent to 13.1 miles. now the furthest i've ever ran was a 6 mile and thats because i lost track of time running in the rain through the woods. well 13.1 miles roughly measures to 21km.
there were 4 of us who decided to run the race about 2 months ago. we got training schedules- running a few miles everyday, hitting the gym working on core muscles,etc. then about a month ago, we all just sorta got busy and sidetracked with school and what not, periodically heading to the gym to work out. by week 9 or 10 we were supposed to be running up to 12 miles. that unfortunately didnt happen. a week before the race i started running again and found myself panting and gasping for air after a mere 4 miles. Friday night, i decided to not even pursue this insane ambition anymore. one of my friends had decided to drop out as well. Saturday my other friend calls me and- sOOOo easily was i persuaded!
HOLY SHIT! i signed up to run. the tension was building. the excitement was in the air. the night before we got together and made a meal filled with carbs- pasta, i even made the sauce from scratch and desserts too!
Sunday morning 6 o clock rolls around. and im like ' SHIT, just kill me!' got up, got ready, and left to my friend's place to get ready. i took a 5 hour energy shot, we did a few stretches, i did some sit ups. and off we went.
HOT DAMN! there were 1800 participants!
we decided to start at the 10minutes a mile mark. we ran and ran..and then one of us had to pee. we decided to go on ahead without waiting for her. 7 miles later my other friend told me to go on ahead without her. i said 'no amber, i will not complete this without u' to which she replied ' you must, dont worry bout me'....WTF over dramatization. basically my friend got tired and insisted that i went ahead and so i did. and the next 6 miles felt like forever. everytime i wanted to give up and walk, i see crowds all around cheering participants on.. so i kept up with a smile on my face. they say you get a high from running. your head just kinda feels like youre floating. either i was going insane or i did experience that wonderful feeling of happy fluids excreting into my brains. my friend later recounted that she didnt feel any of the 'high' that everyone was talkin about. she wanted to jump in front of a moving truck. haha. but yeah i kept pace with a few ppl and everytime they slowed down or got ahead i'd find someone new. at one point i was behind a couple and one of them mentioned that we've been running for an hour and 30 minutes. i was stunned, jeez ive never ran that long before. it was a GORGEOUS day out though. one thing about eau claire is its stunning nature trails and beautiful scenery. the air felt fresh as it hit our faces.

the 10th mile felt like forever. hit the 11th and i knew the end was near. thats all that mattered now.
The finish line. 'Coming in next, dUH-venn-Dra GHan-di Rejhann' - my name blaring over the loudspeakers, mispronounced as always. but i made it. my legs were quivering beneath me but i made it. as i sat and waited for my friends i thought back to a few years ago..to a much heavier me and i was overcame with emotions. not bawling my eyes out kinda emotions but just a sense of pride and happiness in myself. i did it. my first half marathon. next up: a FULL MARATHON.
my body hurts like i've just been hit by a moving truck. i guess every rose has its thorn. a HUGE F**KING THORN!
2 hours and 13 minutes. just 3 minutes off the 10 minutes a mile run! i never stopped running. challenged yourself lately?

some random thoughts.

2010-04-30T21:22:00.003-04:00

the heart is a funny lil thing. it exaggerates all the emotions you can feel. when you're nervous, it beats just that much faster, when you're sad- it feels like somebody has ripped it out and stomped on it. the sensation that its pulse does to one, me especially, is beyond my comprehension. honestly though i really just wanna talk about love.
sometimes im scared of what ive learned through my years. knowing i can get what i want if i acted a certain way or said the right things. i dont know what it is though. maybe its just me knowing myself a whole lot better.the laws of attraction. im really curious as to what some of you think of this?
yes my heart still beats the same way it did when i first fell in love. but i feel now i know how to get ppl to feel the way i do.. or in short ..this may seem a lil conceited.. but to get ppl to buy into what im selling... i might delete this post as i ponder upon what i just wrote...but seriously, how do you know the other person isnt just faking it?

a house is not a home.

2010-04-27T17:49:00.003-04:00

.a house is not a home.

i was in a psychologist's office today. no i wasnt seeking counselling but rather was in a meeting. the books up in the shelfs were really intriguing ranging from intercultural to family help, the chairs seemed so strategically located as though a slight shift in its angle would catastrophically ruin the session. after the meeting was over, roberta asks me two simple questions?- was i born here and are my family here with me. i said no to both and then so simply she asks me, how is that? such an open ended question. they must all be trained well, because the look in her eyes, the tilt of her head, that earnest i-want-to-know-all-your-life-problems look almost made me want to bawl my heart out saying how much i want to see my family. my almost-experience with a shrink. interesting.
good news has been knockin on my door this week. first i got an email saying i am the recipient of the University's Student Excellence Award or more specifically, the 2010 Excellence in Equity, Diversity and Inclusiveness recipient. This is by far my proudest accomplishment here at this university! Then the vice-chancellor walks in the Senate office and asks me what my plans are for next semester, offering me a position in her office as an intern. She told me to ponder upon it. Finally, today i met with one of the climate survey consultant and after one hour of talking with her about initiatives that students and faculty at this institution can take to make campus more inclusive, she told me to email her and said that if i'm ever looking into grad school, i should call her, she'd offer me placement. OMG!
i am still looking for a place to stay for the summer and next semester! can a house appear already! i despise looking for a home!

i wore shorts today :)

2010-04-23T03:34:00.004-04:00

today i walked to campus in my shorts from summer. it has been months since i last wore shorts. this is in part due to the freezing winter season but also partly due to a skin condition i was recently diagnosed with: psoriasis.
in short what it is, is the rapid growth of skin cells that cause flakey,scale like textures on skin surface. i stopped going to the gym. i stopped wearing short sleeved t-shirts. in my heart i prayed that it remained winter till this condition went away. it will never. there is no known cure as of now however there are ways to control it and depending on situations, it may disappear or reappear again after a period of time. i was a little relieved when the doctor told me it wasnt infectious.
i wrote this journal entry a while back but never got the chance to publish it:
This past 7 days has been one of capturing the real meaning of life. I've fallen into the college trap too bothered about what im going to do on my friday and saturday nights, bout whos dating who or whats the latest gossip. Last week thursday i went in to the doctor and was diagnosed with psoriasis, a skin condition. There is no known cure for it, just ways to control it. I was stressed out from it. On friday my organization and i held a fundraiser for haiti. Stayed up till 7 in the morning making food to be sold. After the event was over, we took the leftover food and went to the streets outside the bars to continue selling till 1 in the morning. We made 461 dollars in funds. The next day i followed my friend and watched her shave her head to raise awareness on cancer. It was inspiring to say the least. Then came monday, i had 2 papers and 2 midterms and spent my nights in the library. I pushed my boundaries a little too much having only 3 hours of sleep in total all 3 days.
Wednesday i found out a good friend of mine's sister is diagnosed with uterus cancer and he's been depressed since :(. Thursday i found out a friend of mine died on wednesday falling from his balcony drunk after a St Pattys day celebration. It really came as a shocker, he was my neighbour freshmen year in the dorms :(. Im still in shock.. Today's friday and i am now sitting in a small lil cafe near my house, its one of the many gems of my city. Cosy, homely, just the right shade of lighting castin the place, couches all around with little square tables lined up against the walls. I had just finished dancing salsa and after that managed to squeeze myself in to a charity concert held at my university by the various acapella groups. It was to raise money to build a cancer help home for late teens early adults that dont really have a place to go. One of the members of the singing group lost her 20 year old brother to cancer last year. Her dad came on stage to talk and it really hit me close to heart. They showed a slideshow before that with the song tears in heaven playin in the background. I was there for only 20 minutes but it really awakened me to life. To celebratin it with loved ones. To make it one worth living.

The semesters drawing to an end soon. i really feel like i've held on and yet let go of so many things and found myself making relationships better and more meaningful. i say this time and time again, but im that much closer to making this dream come true. it has been a surreal experience and im very much aware. i wore shorts to college today . it felt liberating, it felt wonderful. except for when a friend went " ewwww whats that on your leg". but its okay, the world sometimes tell things as they are, but it is up to us to hold our heads up high and be happy with who we are. i smiled today :)

my life as a rockstar

2010-01-18T11:30:00.005-05:00

did you know a couple of weeks ago i got arrested?
im not even kidding.
its too important of an event not to record and before i forget let me just reenact the fascinating ordeal.
it began as an average cold Wisconsin morning. Winter break has started and nothing too spectacularly exciting was going on this very day. Made some plans with a couple of friends to go watch the movie Avatar in the evening. Soo the night slowly creeps up on the day and by 4.30 as with Winter time here, the skies turn dark and the temperature drops another 10 degrees. my friends drove to come pick me up from my residence hall and just as we made the turn off my street, the piercing blares of sirens horded us from behind. my friend panicked because he left his drivers license at home but we just sat there waiting for the officer to approach the car..10 seconds, 20...50... 2 minutes..4 minutes... we were starting to get restless then all of a sudden, 4 other police cars approach and block the exit as more blinding lights were flashed making it impossible to look behind through the mirrors. now everyone else started freaking out... what in the world??
out of speakers loud as hell, a voice commands the driver to put his hands out of the vehicle.. then the same voice asks all the passengers to put our hands out of the window.. then again, the same voice tells us.. no , everyone put your hands back in the car.. only the driver puts his hand out.. and so we followed this somehow clueless voice. finally the voice speaks again.. will the driver step out of the car with his back facing us and hands in the air.. at this moment, it crossed my mind if we were being punked.. but i rather just play along with whats going on than die from being shot at.
perhaps i should preface this story a little bit now.. a couple of weeks prior to this current scenario, my friend's car got stolen at 3 in the morning. the very next day though, after the police report and detectives were assigned to investigate, the car mysteriously shows up when everyone was at school. bizzare? i think so too.
now back to where we were..
at this point i started putting the pieces together and i told the other 2 friends in the car that perhaps this was due to the stolen car incident since, we are driving that car and it sorta made sense why there were so many cops around..i peeked in the rear view mirror to see my friend being handcuffed..WTF? inside i was kinda glad that it wasnt me.. but like the Irish man curse ( they say if youre irish, even the slightest case of mishap that has little to none chance of occurence, will most likely happen) the voice over the speaker then asks the front passenger ( ME) to put my hands out of the window..then to step out of the vehicle.. and i did.. then the voice tells me to take 3 steps back.. and i do.. the voice then tells me to lift the back of my shirt up.. i hesitated because my pants were riding a lil low and i would probably be exposing my butt crack if i did..butttttt again, haha i didnt wanna be shot so i did..it was cold and my fingers were freezing, the voice then tells me to take two steps to the left.. and i do.. and another 2 steps to the left..( i started suspecting that the voice over the speaker has a lil fetish of instructing people ) but i do so anyway. then the voice tells me to put my hands behind my back and to walk back slowly. from the corner of my eyes i see to my right a police officer holding a M-16 pointed at my direction and to the left, i see another police officer hiding behind a tree taking aim at the car. oh boyyy....
then i felt two hands grab hold of me as i was handcuffed then frisked.. or maybe it was the other way round. either way, i dont know why i did not demand the reason i was being arrested. i just let myself( perhaps,maybe, i have fantasies of my own.. HAHAHA i kid) but yeah i get handcuffed and then placed in the back of a cop car. i see my friend in the back of another car.and soo , the voice did the same thing with all my other friends in the car, sometimes being too unsure and unassertive especially when it first asks my friend to step to the right, then back to the left, then shuffle to the right again. i was actually enjoying the scene before my eyes. the handcuff was very uncomfortable and the back of the car was made out of plasticky material seats that were cold to my poor cute behind. all my friends were put in a different car and finally after some calls were made, they got my friend- the driver out and asked him a few questions and things were sorted i assumed as next thing i know, my door was opened and i was released from the handcuffs... apparently in the campus police records the car was still reported as stolen and its not been updated and so the cops thanked us for our cooperation and apologized.. see as i said i was actually enjoyin the experience and wasnt in a rush or anything so why get angry right? besides if the car was actually stolen, they wouldve caught the thieves for sure!! haha..
right before we got into our car again, one of the officers looks at me and asks me.. " daven arent u an RA( resident assistant) in KT ( my residence hall)? and i replied yeah to which he said, he recognized me right when i stepped out of the vehicle...... -_-" WTF! hahaha... oh well.. i sure am glad to have more exciting stories to tell about my life..

we then went to eat and managed to still make it in time to catch the movie... AVATAR sure was an amazing movie.. another must see is the movie Precious. i watched it today and was really impressed and as always balled because of how tragically sad the movie was. i also cried after finishing a book on the airplane home from puerto rico.. the road by Cormac McCarthy. so dark and depressing yet it still shines light on the love between a father and son and the fight to live in a post apocalyptic world thats been destroyed.
im back in Wisconsin now, and moved in to my new place. its so nice to have my own room and my own queen sized bed with my own closet. downside tho is that the walls are wayyy tooo thin. i can even hear my friends whisper.. two of them are living together and are dating and i sure as hell hope to god that i dont hear them have sex.....

quote me quote you!

2010-01-14T13:36:00.003-05:00

♥"Distance isn't for the fearful. It's for the bold. It's for those willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It's for those who know a good thing when they see it... even if they don't see it nearly enough."♥

came across this quote and i love it! :)

updates from my puerto rico trip coming up soon! this is my last day here in PR. let me first just say that im glad a tsunami has not hit this island after haiti's massive earthquake days ago. pray for the injured and if you can bless them with some donations.
have a great day readers :)

love,
the boy who went travellin

2009- a reflection

2009-12-30T21:14:00.000-05:00

2009 started as a cold winter day in Wasau, Wisconsin. Rang in the new year celebrations at a Mexican restaurant/bar that we decide to run into merely seconds before the countdown. The cheers and whistles from the patrons at the bar lasted for a good minute and then, everything was quiet again.. just like the town itself. Its been said countless times, its not where you are but who you’re with and I was glad I was with some of my closest friends. Few days later I was on a plane to mexico where I got to experience one of the most friendly cultures and met lots of wonderful friends. It was an amazing start to my year.. the year I turn 21. Santa rita sauvignon blanc.. that was the first legal wine I drank as I sat with Elizabeth the afternoon of my 21st birthday lunch. The week after was break and I remember a boys night out in town with carlos and tony and we ripped the place apart. I lost my phone, puked all over my room, appeared in the police blotter for setting off the blue emergency poles and clearly neither of us remembered anything. Spring is always one of my favorite time of the year- the Viennese ball. A grandiose display of food and entertainment- UWEC really is transformed into a my magical fantasy during this time. As the Vice President of Two to Tango (the social dance group on campus), I was in charge of the V-ball workshop. 5 hours of dance lessons, about 35 couples. Planning it took so much of my time. I’ll always remember the workshop, because there I met the most compassionate, talented and incredible person whom I got to make memories with for the next 8 months. You are the reason why 2009 has been so great. There were just too many memories that makes me smile – the first date, Duluth, charity runs, flowers from Africa, cooking, music lessons, coffee dates… summer took me to California- San Francisco, LA, Yosemite, Big Sur, Napa Valley..made the most diverse group of friends whom are all just as adventurous, just as crazy, just as invested in having fun as I was. Oh we did so much together. And the class over at UC- Berkeley, one of the most prestigious universities here, firmly rooted my drive towards my goals. I’ve never cried so much in a class from the documentaries and readings. We partied, we studied, we spent so much money it was ridiculus. But it was all worth it. my year could not have been more rewarding. Fall approaches and I start my first year as a Resident Assistant in my residence hall and as a director of Student Life and Diversity in Senate, roles that have deeply influenced my leadership skills. Successfully played a huge role in getting the campus to participate in a climate survey which yielded the most response among all the UW system. Inclusive Excellence and its integration into class was a big issue this semester. I would never dream of being so involved back home. this zest for the ultimate experience has kept me going since day 1. Fall. I took up piano lessons. Fall. I went sky diving. Fall. I danced in front of a crowd of 500 people. Fall. I was a drag for Halloween. Fall saw so many delightful surprises but it also had its down points. Losing you was probably the biggest drag. Not being home with the family always hits me in the fall. Both my younger brothers celebrate their birthdays as well as my parent’s wedding anniversary. Now as I sit and reflect on my year, I see so many changes within me from the start of the year till now. 2009 has been a year of self discovery, a year filled with blessings, a year of many firsts and shall remain one of the best years of my life- all these in the year I turned 21. I have much to look forward to next year.. my own place, own car, new responsibilities, student summer research, LSAT exam, internship application, graduation.. seeing my family again. Bring it on 2010…! Happy new year everyone! I’ll be celebrating the new year from Puerto rico! happy holidays!
Much love
Daven

christmas is here

2009-12-26T20:16:00.003-05:00

i discovered my favorite christmas tune.. and its called "the christmas song(chestnuts roasting on an open fire)" . absolutely adore that song.
christmas was surprisingly Great this year! my plans of going to either nebraska or the cities failed because of the insane weather. i was snowed in :( and not happy about it. a bunch of friends invited me over to spend christmas with their family but i didnt feel all that excited about imposing on a 'family' celebration, so i respectfully declined their offers ( it was really thoughtful of all of them though.. i love my friends.)
i ended up spending christmas with a few international students and their host families. had lunch with a retired professor and few friends.. it was great laughter, chatting about cultures, experiences, travels and so on. she even offered me free stay at her home from summer onwards till december (When i graduate)! its right by campus and really lovely.. but i already promised a friend to room with him.. so now im in a dillema. after lunch i met up with a few other international friends and headed over to another host family for dinner.. we were picked up at 3 and stayed till 9 enjoying scrumptious dinner, playing games, drinking wine, talking about everything under the sun. they too were professors at the university! they even had gifts for me! which was a nice surprise :).
when we came back from all the christmas celebrations, we headed out to the bars for a couple of drinks! haha it was fun watching my friends crumble after just 2 drinks.. and trying to get them to dance!
im closer to securing a deal for a car! and im actually not even going to go with the original car choices i had. i will take pics of the car once i have it in my possession.
i've chosen to resign from my RA position and move off campus.. a house on water st for this next semester. my grades have also improved from last semester. i've also resigned from senate. im kinda excited to just focus on my LSAT- law school entrance exam, getting an internship for the following year and having more time for my studies.. im also buying myself a keyboard to continue playin the piano.
as far as my student faculty research collaboration for next summer- i have a few places in mind- India, Thailand, Pakistan and a few countries in the middle east. im leaning on india because i think there could be more about myself that i can discover amidst working on my research. my path to spiritual enlightenment if i may.
sexual prostitution of male children is going to be the focus of my research. im still trying to come up with a proposal.
god im so thankful for my family and this opportunity to come here and fulfil my ambition and goals.
finally im uberrrr excited about puerto rico... will be leaving on the 31st of december..and will be there till the 15th of january! its going to be GREAT! i'll be couchsurfing and just exploring as much as i can with the locals!

see.. life isnt that bad at all..

on a random note, i got a text yesterday, which brought a smile to my face....i think i'll be ready after returning from puerto rico. :)
next post will be in reflection of 2009 and my hopes for the coming year. my 22nd year of existence. :)

btw got my new piercing... ended up being piercings.. haha

nipples!!
hurt soooo fkin bADDD!! haha.. but damn! they feel good!
merry christmas and happy holidays everyone

a name for my car!?

2009-12-16T15:53:00.003-05:00

okay so after much research. i have my final two cars!! woo hooo.. thing is i dont know which one i want! my roommate michael says he is going to test drive the red honda this weekend! omg so excited to have my own car!! butttttt.. i like the hyundai tiburon! what you guys say? which is more aesthetically pleasing?
the honda is RED though!! my favorite color and has better mileage.. ahh.. either way... a car before chrismas hopefully! :) :)

and FINALS are over! im so relieved! so yeah. right now im sittin in my room just shaved my chest.. gonna go pierce my nipple in a bit..AAAHHHHH im nervous! hahahah...

my end year resolution!

2009-12-07T14:39:00.002-05:00

some of you might know this already, but im lookin at purchasing a car, second hand of course and these are my final two options. waiting on the loan i have taken out, im not sure which one to get though because they are both pretty amazing! one's a Honda Civic and the other is a Mitsubishi Eclipse. i should have a car by christmas! this is soo exciting!

i found an apartment that my friend and i are thinkin of moving in to in the summer. its new and just PERFECT! i need to call the property owners and set up a showing! :)

and then finally speaking of christmas!! i did something completely random.. i might be going to puerto rico and spending christmas and new years there with strangers! there's this online travel buddy website and i decided why not and signed up! so im waiting to hear from them. otherwise, there's thousands of other places and people to travel with. this is sooo friggin cool! i love randomness!

last but not least. its last 2 weeks of school. i am going to be up pretty much every night from today! its going to be a good time! wish me luck folks!

post break up 101

2009-12-03T14:13:00.003-05:00

i realized i havent changed much.
not gone into depression.
not fallen out of touch with friends..
still enjoying the things i like to do before and during the relationship.
smiling at the sun, amazed by the snow, cold from the rain, im still me!
and i am so happy to be me!

some people take their whole lifetime to figure out who they are, some take decades. i think i've found myself in many ways, so much in my years abroad, so much from the interaction with people. i have found my joys and passion. my goals and ambitions, my personal satisfaction, my low points and high points... i learn from relationships.
this fulfillment im feeling, is from all of those combined knowing that what doesnt break me only makes me stronger.

i dont feel liberated.. never have i felt trapped.. but i feel at peace.. with myself. and contrary to belief, i am standing strong. thats what makes me.. me. i gather my energy and inspirations from everything around me... and it affects those around me.

things are looking up daven. i miss making memories with you.

a revelation

2009-11-30T19:31:00.002-05:00

today has been a day of back and forths.
i put away the few remnants of my relationship in the storage but its the memories inside that keep flashing.
friends are like lil jewels that we should never take for granted, even if they dont know whats wrong, they try and make life a lil better.. some smile, some hug, some listen, others say be patient and then there are some who are just funny.
sometimes, i wish that they wouldnt say things like, you'd find someone better.. because putting someone down does not make me feel better. and because i know this person was genuinely honest.
either way.. its over and i've been positive on the whole about it, but as i said.. i go back and forth.
it takes time. one thing i know for sure is i dont want to lose the companionship i've gained.. a great friend. i just need time to move on. when you said i'll always have a friend in you, i wonder if this can stand the test of time. i guess we'll see.

i cried today watching my sisters keeper.. such a tear-jerker! definitely recommended.

and i failed to meet the dead line for next years drawing of the green card. should have been more attentive. could have saved a lot of trouble with getting visa after graduation and all. oh well there's always another year.

i skipped my senate meeting today to work on assignments.
i ate two lil bowls of ice-cream.. i was high from it. :)
i can chose to wonder why the relationship ended the way it did, or i can accept things the way they are and put my efforts into living each day as it is. i'll take the latter.
in the meantime, another relationship is probably the farthest thing in my mind right now.. but i realize its bad to swear something away.. it always comes back to bite you in the butt! :)
im headed to waukasha this weekend for a United Council conference- student government stuff.
be back on sunday to catch the holiday concert in the university. work on papers all week. study for finals.. the library has been a great friend.. one that is always there..
somebody told me today, you always got to be able to see the silver lining among the clouds... i see clear skies.
i have the gift of loving :)
have a great week my friends and readers. near and far.
pray for my success.

- i had a dream last night..jesus was in it. hmm im still pondering on this one. i've never had a dream with god in it.

november 29th 2009.

2009-11-29T21:14:00.003-05:00

i guess an update is in store
another relationship ended today.

it sucks but i'll make peace. no regrets. just like always.

i wish upon a white christmas

2009-11-29T19:16:00.002-05:00

back from chicago :)
it was great to spend time with friends.
really enjoyed taking in the view of city lights sprawled out from the sky deck on top a tower. being so high up- literally and psychologically offering a different perspective.
back to school. its going to be such a crazy two weeks. :(
christmas.. please come sooner.

us....

2009-11-26T04:05:00.002-05:00

I’ve ever only asked for honesty,
Not a promise, not a ring , just a pure true heart.
Makes me wonder sometimes, is that really too much?
i leave for chicago in a few hours. its thanksgiving day. everyone's home with their
family and loved ones. i'm not but its okay really. i think im past my homesickness stage this semester. doesnt mean i dont think of them everyday.
instead im heading to chicago with about 43 international students. it should be a good time to get away from eau claire and be gone from school. i'm not in a very festive mood though. its 3.10 in the morning and i cant go to sleep. i've yet to pack and print out copies of the events for everyone. truth be told, today sucked. i feel like i got my heart crushed..

To experience love completely...
you need to trust completely.
To experience complete trust...
you need to let go completely.
To completely let go...
you need be totally honest.
To be totally honest...
you cannot hide, you need to be open

- i read this once and was completely captivated.. now i know otherwise.
i should start studying for the LSAT. after all thats why im here. to inspire and be inspired.
happy thanksgiving everyone.

my floating thoughts.

2009-11-22T14:14:00.002-05:00

my hopes for a better world.
as I'm reading into the tons and tons of journals and documents on my research paper topic, i cringe to the reality of the politics in third world countries. it also bothers me that I'm able to draw up so many comparisons and similarities between the corrupt forces governing many countries to that of mine.
I go back and forth on the issue of external pressure on a country's political reforms. from the many courses that I've taken here at the university, I've come to form the opinion that interventions would lead to only more devastation. i know this unsupported one-line statement holds no real empirical measurable value, but i really do not wish to venture into the details of the said opinion. however, coming from a country that has a political system so obviously corrupt - i cannot help but wish outside interference from a greater power would come and provide stability and restore a fair democratic nation. i also assume the good in humankind, but hitherto reality has proven time and time again, that men are a profit-motivated, self-interested, power hungry species and have no qualms in using others for one's own gain. and that is exactly why i hate the U.S being that one great super power reigning above every other nation, it was run by an idiot named Bush. there are way too many circumstances but my opinions are changing on whether i support external forces and i think that's why i like president Obama, because he appears to be rational, far more than his predecessor, and that sorta kinda restores my faith in a global power that does not seek to suck the life out of other nations. in the simplest words, he restores my faith in the good nature of man.
for my research project that i want to conduct over the summer, i am looking to do a coverage on the sex trade/tourism industry- specifically the protitution of young boys. i have not decided on a country yet and can do two things- look at a completely foreign country that i've never been to ( that i'd love to discover) or use the already familiar sights and sounds from my growing up years in the countries of southeast asia, famos for its booming sex industry.
anyways back to the reason i started this post, i really wish i can make a difference somehow, someway one day on a Major scale. alrighty well back to writing my research paper due in approximately 60 hours.

im determined.

2009-11-10T11:02:00.003-05:00

okay so the reason i had to shave my head was because i wasnt able to get a 6 pack by halloween. however, i look back to when i used to weigh about 86 kg back in high school and even more when i first attended college in Malaysia, and am so glad with the healthier lifestyle i have chosen to lead right now. anyways, i wont stop till i get my 6 pack abs. i let my body influence how i negatively viewed myself before and although i've learned since then that confidence is more the workings of your inner force, i still want to be able to satisfy this craving of achieving what ive always wanted. just goest to show that if you put your mind to it and commit, you will be successful and worst case scenario- you'll be happy that you tried and gave it your all.

4 packs and counting.. i have a bit more to go.

the post of rants...and questions...

2009-11-08T23:50:00.002-05:00

the old couple's syndrome.

saya menujukan satu soalan kepada teman sebilikku, " M kamu pernah berada dalam a couple of hubungan intim kan? bilakah masanya kamu sedar yang kamu perlu memutuskan hubungan itu?" and he said, apabila kamu menanyakan soalan itu kepada diri sendiri.

saya seorang yang romantis dan kadangkala i think apabila saya berada dalam sesuatu hubungan, i kinda lupakan diri dan ingin membuat orang itu gembira sahaja.....and then i realize yang saya mengabaikan kegembiraan diri sendiri.

just a bunch of thoughts floating around in my head. do couples get bored of each other after a while. do they feel like they shouldnt work as hard. do they feel like they should work harder. does one partner feel pressured by the other to comply. i think dalam hubungan saya, kami berdua sedang mengalami masalah yang sama. kadangkala kamu cuma ingin in literal translation, jalan keluar. i think ada masanya yang kami lupa apa yang berada di depan kita. yang kita lupa mengapa kita jatuh cinta in the first place. but you know i think like always, komunikasi membantu. tackling the problems melalui percakapan is better than mempendam emosi dan mengalami apa yang dikatakan.. internal conflict..
alah bahasa melayu ku teruk sangat lah. udah lah, malas ku menceritakan masalah aku di sini. lebih baik jangan kata terlalu banyak, kalau tidak google translation, habis aku.
jikalau kamu memahami ini, saya cuma ingin mengatakan yang saya cinta padamu. tetapi sedarlah yang saya tidak akan mengkompromasi diri ku untuk sesiapapun. saya adalah individu dan akan pergi jika kamu dont appreciate saya.

tujuh bulan is just a nombor akhirnya kan?